Postal dwarfs in Homeward have been holding intermittent one-day strikes for months in a row over the way Homeward Mail is being modernised.
The ungrateful shower!
The fact is that dwarfs have very short legs and have therefore been awfully slow on their rounds.
I have tried everything to enable them to modernise - I introduced the use of stilts for every postman. But all they have done is complain and moan about the difficulties they have balancing.
I warned them that jobs would be lost - the only alternative I could come up with was replacing them with giraffes.
A giraffe has an average 6 feet long leg and whilst at 'cruising speed' will cover 15 feet with each long stride. Far more efficient than the diminutive dwarf.
A settlement has been reached, however. We all have Cowgill to thank for the solution - he has invented a steam driven bicycle.
At no small expense I have introduced them across the service and the dwarfs seem very happy with their new found mobility.
I trust one will hear no more complaints.
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