Olympic Medals Table

I am very pleased, so far, with the performance of the Homeward team in the Homeward Olympics!

Badgertown has, of course, done very well in all the digging competitions. The Badfort entrant had hardly started digging his hole before having to take a break and swig some Black Tom. The Badger from Badgertown had already finished his giant hole!

Despite Ira Smoothy's determined efforts on behalf of the Homeward Team it came as no surprise when he was beaten by a dolphin from Sunset Beach.

There was some puzzlement when The Badfort Crowd won the diving contests - until it was discovered that they had doped the cranes of Monkey-and Engine-Room Wood and were therefore disqualified.

One cannot begrudge the Badfort Crowd their win at Archery, however, as they are known to be quite lethal with a crossbow. Hitmouse is expected to do very well in the skewer throwing contest too - providing he recovers from an unfortunate arrow, fired by The Old Monkey, that went astray.

The Badfort Crowd also did well in the Judo - Jellytussle having a substantial weight advantage.

One must also admit that the Badfort Crowd were very impressive in the Dressage competition. It was amazing how the Hateman brothers managed to get the Wooden-legged Donkey and Giddy Goat to perform so beautifully.

I was very pleased with my own performance in the cycling events - despite the Badfort Crowd's attempts to put me off my game.

The artistic events have also gone well, I received a Gold for my musical composition "Traction Engines of Fire" and Benskin won a gold for the best copperplate writing.

Cowgill also was awarded the Gold for architectural and engineering excellence. Here he is, being presented with his medal by the King of the Badgers.

I have to say I was somewhat aggrieved that the Badfort Crowd beat us in the Painting competition.

I felt that Jellytussle deliberately put Waldovenison Smeare off his stroke by his violent daubing actions and his voluble declaration "This is an abstract painting, and worth many thousands of pounds! You can't do abstracts, Smeare. You're old-fashioned!"

Smeare was completely overcome and had a fainting fit. He had to lie down on a couch, and was unable to finish his artwork. Jellytussle's awful daubing, entitled "Sunset over Badfort", was awarded the Gold!