Coalition

As you know, the Badgertown Town Council Election resulted in a hung Council.

It appears that the various parties have reached an agreement.

The new Mayor is to be Dave "the biscuit" Macaroon. The new Mayoress will be Nick 'Cream' Custard. This means that he will have to wear a dress, and he is not happy about this - but has agreed to do it for the sake of stable government.

From my point of view, the good news is that Alonzo S. Whitebeard is to be the new Finance Minister.

I am sure that the old miser, whose policy can be summed up as "look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves", will soon have Badgertown's debt under control.

Hopefully, the King of the Badgers will soon start repaying my loans!

Strange Days

These are strange days, indeed.

The hung Council in Badgertown, following the results of the Council elections has led too much arguing between the mayoral candidates over who is in charge.

Meanwhile, some of the populace are now arguing that attempts should be made to ditch all the present candidates and offer the job to some of the now unemployed members of the British Parliament.

The dwarfs are very keen to recruit Julia Goldsworthy - being mostly gold miners I think that they may just find her name attractive, but by all accounts she was a very good MP for Camborne and Redruth.

They have been protesting on the streets, but met strong opposition from a counter demonstration by members of the Badfort Crowd - who are keen to offer the job to my old friend Gordon Brown.

Hung out to dry

The King of the Badgers has rung me, in a bit of a tizz over the Badgertown Town Council election results.

"None of the silly blighters has a majority!" he blustered.

"Surely, constitutionally, the incumbent Mayor is supposed to sort it out?", I tried to calm him.

"That old fool Noddy Ninety went off on one of his train jaunts again!" spluttered the King.

"Well, far be it from me to interfere in the democratic processes of Badgertown - but my advice is to invite Alonzo S. Whitebeard to form a government. After all, his policy slogan was "Make Do and Made" - and I think that is what you'll have to do!" I advised.

Vote, Vote, Vote!

Make Do and Mend

It seems that Alonzo S. Whitebeard's manifesto for The Badgertown Council Election has struck a chord with the populace.

It would be wrong of me, as the richest elephant in the world and an international celebrity, to try and influence your vote.

However, let us consider the options. Gordon 'Fudge' Brownie has inadvertently let slip in a microphone incident that he thinks badgers are 'a bit smelly'. Whilst we all like to see the human side of our politicians, this remark makes him untenable as the Mayor of Badgertown.

Dave "the biscuit" Macaroon is very charming, however, one cannot in all conciousness vote for a robot. His mechanical nature was revealed yesterday, when his personality chip fell out and he started repetitively intoning "Change...Change...Change..."
He then started fizzing and his skin, which had always looked a bit smooth and plastic, started to melt.

Nick 'Cream' Custard had seemed like a good bet. However, his policy of letting the dwarfs stay in Badgertown, once they have finished digging burrows for the badgers, has not met favour with the voters.

Now, I do find Alonzo's miserliness a tad annoying. I find his jealousy of my vast wealth and his constant scrimping and moaning burdensome. However, his ideas on fiscal policy are clearly what is needed in Badgertown to kerb the Badger King's constant borrowing - from me!

So, without intending to influence your vote, I say Make Do and Mend!

Total Wipeout - The Leader's Debate 3

Last night was the final Mayoral candidate's debate for The Badgertown Council Election.

Once more, The King of the Badgers decided the format for the debate and, again, based the rules on one of his favourite TV programmes.

This week it was Total Wipeout!

The debate was based in a large pool of water and mud and candidates had to get across their points whilst crossing a large assault course.

Gordon 'Fudge' Brownie was doing quite well, avoiding Dave "the biscuit" Macaroon's and Nick 'Cream' Custrad's sucker punches, however he came unstuck at the Big Balls. These were four large inflatable balls that the candidates had to jump. Gordon was just explaining a difficult piece of fiscal policy when he lost concentration and slipped up.

However, Dave and Nick also came unstuck on the Sweeper. The candidates had to stand on 10-foot-tall podiums, over water, whilst a robotic arm span around in a circular motion attempting to knock them off. Candidates had to time their jumps perfectly to avoid this.

Unfortunately, Dave and Nick were having such a spate about how many dwarfs should be allowed to come to Badgertown that they both were sent flying!

With all the candidates knocked out it looked like it was election game over - but a new candidate has emerged from nowhere!

Alonzo S. Whitebeard has thrown his hat into the ring. He ran out of the audience and effortlessly made it through the "Wipeout Zone"

Alonzo is well known as a great miser.

Apparently, he had lost a penny through a hole in his pocket, it had rolled into the zone and he was determined to retrieve it.

In his efforts to get back his penny he pushed the politicians aside shouting "What do you know about fiscal policy! What we need to do is Make Do and Mend!"

This has now become the slogan of his campaign and has struck a chord with ordinary voter.

"Stop all this extravagant spending - Make Do and Mend!" declared the white whiskered skinflint last night.

Smellygate

The Badgertown Mayoral candidate Gordon 'Fudge' Brown has been heard describing an elderly badger as a "smelly" in a conversation caught by a microphone as he left a campaign visit in Badgertown.

The conversation was picked up by a microphone that had been placed on his sack-cloth suit to record his conversations during the campaigning visit.

Mrs Handbag had confronted Brown on the subject of putting Badgers first.

She told him: "After all - it is called Badgertown! My family have always liked Beaver Hateman - my father even sung the Red Flag, but now I am ashamed of saying I'm Bad."

After getting into his car, Brown was heard to say: "Pheew! she was a smelly old badger wasn't she?"