Saturday, 2 August 2008

What !

Captain's Log - Day 27

Having repulsed the invasion of the Pepperpot mosters, we were now puzzling over the appearance of a Police Box on Homeward Moonbase.

They are not an unusual sight - there are a couple of them on the base and, of course, many dotted all around Homeward.

But no one could remember having seem one in this particular spot.

We were examining the box when the door suddenly opened and a rather untidy young man poked his head out.

"Hello, how do you do? - I expect you will be needing my assistance to deal with the Pepperpots." he exclaimed, somewhat brashly.

"Hello, young man, I am Uncle and this is my moonbase - may I inquire as to your name?" I replied.

"I'm the Doctor." he said cheerily.

"Well, we have no need of your assistance, Doctor...?" I replied

"What!" he exclaimed.

"I see, well Doctor What..." I began...

"Who?" he interrupted.

"You! just said your name was What!" I replied in exasperation.

"That's not my name!" he said equally exasperated.

"So, who are you then?" I almost shouted.

"Yes, that's right!... Who, am I." he chirruped.

"Well, if you don't know what is your name, then how am I supposed to know who you are." I exclaimed.

"That's right Who, not What." he bantered.

I gave up on the argument - he was clearly an extremely bumptious and slightly deranged young man.

"Look, we have no need of your assistance - we have defeated the Pepperpots ourselves."

"What!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, please don't start that again! - the Pepperpots have run away. We don't need your help!"

At this he looked quite crestfallen. "You defeated the most dangerous aliens in the Universe by yourselves?....without my help?"

"Well, yes, it really wasn't that difficult, you know." I replied.

He looked very sad now, "Oh well, I suppose I better be going...", then he brightened up, he had clearly had an idea. "Would you like to look in my ship!'s awfully special you know!"

He was clearly bonkers. "In your Police Box you mean?....alright I would be happy to have a look inside." I humoured him.

I walked inside. "I know what you are going to say, everybody says it...It's bigger on the inside than on the outside!" he shouted.

"Well yes, of course, it needs to be. Not much use as a Police Box if you can't get a decent force of coppers in it, is it?" I said, gently.

At this he looked crestfallen again. "You mean, you are not at all surprised?" he mumbled.

"Well, it's just playing around with the dimensions of space - isn't it? Wizard Blenkinsop has been making Police Boxes like this for years. Our boys in blue need somewhere that they can sit and have a brew up don't they? and then people know if they go to a Police Box they can get advice and assistance immediately. It's a lot cheaper use of land than having lots of Police Stations." I explained.

"Usually, people are quite impressed by my ship..." he muttered.

"Yes, now about your 'ship"...where exactly did you get it?" I inquired.

At this, the young man looked rather sheepish.

"Well, I sort of borrowed it..." he stuttered.

"Do you mean, you stole it?" I probed.

At this he suddenly panicked and pushed me out of the door.

The Police Box slowly disappeared.

"Hmmm, well I must admit I have never seen one do that before." I pondered to the Old Monkey.

Friday, 1 August 2008

Pepperpots repulsed !

Captain's Log - Day 26

Today we fought back against the Pepperpot monsters!

The combined forces of my followers and the Badfort Crowd launched an attack.

We burst into the dome of the moonbase to be confronted by what appeared to be a giant pepperpot with a sink plunger and an egg whisk attached. We knew from the description that the dwarf had given us that the egg whisk was in fact a lethal pepper spray.

We were soon surrounded by more of the pots. With their horrible grating voices they mocked us - "Resistance is useless, surrender now or we will fumigate you!"

"You are the ones who should be afraid," I replied "for you have made me very angry with your extremely naughty behaviour - you have clearly never faced a rampaging elephant. Nor have you faced the wrath of this happy breed of Homeward,("And Badfort" piped up Beaver), well yes, Badfort, as well I suppose, - our blessed plot, our little realm, our world - a precious stone set in the darkness of space.

It is ours and you shall not have it!!"

"You will obey!"came the reply from the heartless monsters.

" Come" I cried, rallying the troops, "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; we shall save the world!"

"The elephant is initiating hostile action!" their leader squeaked.

"Fumigate! Fumigate! Fumigate!" they all cried.

They fired their pepper guns - which, of course, had no effect.

For Beaver, for once had had a good idea. We had all snorted some of Gleamhound's Sneezing Powder prior to our attack. As you know, all Gleamhound's potions work the opposite way.

The Pepperpot's spray had no effect on us at all.

We soon had them on the run - and I must say that the Badfort Crowd's Duck Bombs (which, ironically, they had intended to use themselves to overrun the Moonbase) worked a treat on the monsters eyestalks and motive ability - the sticky contents of the bombs both blinded them and gummed up their works.

They soon retreated back to their flying saucers with their sink plungers between their legs.

I think that they will think twice before making another assault on the people, dwarfs, and animals of earth.

We were just tidying up the mess of battle when we heard a strange wheezing and groaning sound.

"Hmmm, sounds like the noise you make when you are wallowing in one of your mud baths!" tittered Beaver.

I chose to ignore this sarcastic remark.

We looked around but could only see a Police Box. These are a common sight all over Homeward, and there are even a number of them on the Moonbase - but nobody could remember seeing one in this spot before?