Thursday, 14 October 2010

Mine Rescue

Of course, the big news story of the last few months has been about the dwarfs trapped in one of my gold mines.

Now, I would not wish blame to the miners for their predicament but it would appear that a number of rather greedy dwarfs discovered a seam of treacle (a bit of a delicacy amongst our vertically challenged brethren) and could not resist opening it up.

This caused a flood of treacle to pass through the tunnels - setting hard within hours.

Unable to escape, the dwarfs took refuge in my food store - 625m below ground.

Luckily, they were not short of food, as it was amply stocked with provisions of casks of ham, bananas, Whooshmeat and Scander biscuits to be used on special occasions such as Feast Days and important banquets.

Not surprisingly, Beaver Hateman attempted to make political capital out of this unfortunate event.

He claimed that "It is because of the capitalist system, favouring the rich capitalists, that mine owners like Unc can get away with lax safety for their workers! The safety and general well-being of workers is never a genuine priority for those in positions of economic and political power. Acting in accordance with the rules of the capitalist system, Unc, sent workers into a situation that he knew was completely unsafe."

Some poor benighted souls were taken in by this propaganda and actually marched in protest!

Before long I had organised a rescue mission using Cowgill's digging machine. Sadly, due to the resistant properties of treacle it has taken us 69 days to reach the dwarfs.

Normally one could easily fit a dozen dwarfs into the digging machine - however they have eaten a year's supply of food in just 69 days! They are so fat we have had to bring them up one by one!

Not content with eating all my food, I have also discovered that they have not managed to mine a single nugget of gold for me because they have been so busy eating!

On top of that they are moaning about wanting damages! Ungrateful misanthropes!

I have a good mind to dock their wages!

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