Thursday, 16 August 2012

Olympic Closing Ceremony

Well, I must say, I think the Homeward Olympics went very well!

The Closing Ceremony was splendid!

First of all we gave out the medals to the Marathon winners. An event that was not without controversy.

Lennie Leoprad was expected to do well - but, although he is without doubt the fastest animal on the planet, leopards do not really have the staying power for a marathon.

Homeward's hopes were on Brass the Dog. He is part Husky. We had been feeding him up with 10,000 calories a day, knowing that sled dogs are capable of around 15 mph for up to six hours at a time!

A lot of people put money on Agnes Antelope to win (well one would, knowing her stamina) but she flounced off in a huff before the finish - accusing the Little Lion of salivating over her.

Everyone had underestimated Claudius the Camel. An essential part of running long distance is keeping hydrated - no problem for a camel!

It looked like a clear win for Claudius, when, right from the back, Hitmouse sprinted forward at the last minute!

Compared to other animals, humans have a high energy cost of running and can only manage about 13 miles an hour. So no one expected such a performance from one of Badfort's smallest competitors.

Sadly, I have to report that he was disqualified. His performance was not unaided. It transpired, after tests had been carried out, that he had taken Gleamhound's Sleepeeze  - a patent relaxant aid for a good night's sleep. This explained why he was so full of beans, as Gleamhound's products all have the reverse affect to that intended.

As always, we sang the Olympic anthem:

Olympian flame immortal
Whose beacon lights our way
Emblaze our hearts with the fires of hope
On this momentous day

As now we come across the world
To share these Games of old
Let all the mammals of every land
In brotherhood unfold

As Homeward had won the majority of medals, everyone kindly sang "Glorious Uncle" as well. Which was nice.

The only dubious part of the celebrations was the decision of the King of the Badgers to include some of the popular hits of the last 50 years. Sadly, this meant that we had to endure a reunion of Beaver Hateman's punk band singing 'Anarchy in Homeward'

The extinguishing of the Olympic  Flame was somewhat abrupt and unceremonial, as well.

Beaver Hateman poured a bucket of water over it and said "Right, that's over for another four years ! - we'll have a proper do at Badfort, then!'

Well, I suppose it is their turn - but mark my words, it will be an absolute disaster!

Monday, 6 August 2012

Curious dwarf

More exciting Olympic news soon - in the meantime, one of my dwarfs, mining on Mars, came across a curious object this morning.

It was not there yesterday.

It may have been lost or stolen and then dumped.

If you recognise it, let me know and we will see if we can sort out getting it back to you.

If not claimed within 7 days we will have to take it to the vehicle pound - because it is cluttering the place up.

Friday, 3 August 2012

Olympic Medals Table

I am very pleased, so far, with the performance of the Homeward team in the Homeward Olympics!

Badgertown has, of course, done very well in all the digging competitions. The Badfort entrant had hardly started digging his hole before having to take a break and swig some Black Tom. The Badger from Badgertown had already finished his giant hole!

Despite Ira Smoothy's determined efforts on behalf of the Homeward Team it came as no surprise when he was beaten by a dolphin from Sunset Beach.

There was some puzzlement when The Badfort Crowd won the diving contests - until it was discovered that they had doped the cranes of Monkey-and Engine-Room Wood and were therefore disqualified.

One cannot begrudge the Badfort Crowd their win at Archery, however, as they are known to be quite lethal with a crossbow. Hitmouse is expected to do very well in the skewer throwing contest too - providing he recovers from an unfortunate arrow, fired by The Old Monkey, that went astray.

The Badfort Crowd also did well in the Judo - Jellytussle having a substantial weight advantage.

One must also admit that the Badfort Crowd were very impressive in the Dressage competition. It was amazing how the Hateman brothers managed to get the Wooden-legged Donkey and Giddy Goat to perform so beautifully.

I was very pleased with my own performance in the cycling events - despite the Badfort Crowd's attempts to put me off my game.

The artistic events have also gone well, I received a Gold for my musical composition "Traction Engines of Fire" and Benskin won a gold for the best copperplate writing.

Cowgill also was awarded the Gold for architectural and engineering excellence. Here he is, being presented with his medal by the King of the Badgers.

I have to say I was somewhat aggrieved that the Badfort Crowd beat us in the Painting competition.

I felt that Jellytussle deliberately put Waldovenison Smeare off his stroke by his violent daubing actions and his voluble declaration "This is an abstract painting, and worth many thousands of pounds! You can't do abstracts, Smeare. You're old-fashioned!"

Smeare was completely overcome and had a fainting fit. He had to lie down on a couch, and was unable to finish his artwork. Jellytussle's awful daubing, entitled "Sunset over Badfort", was awarded the Gold!