Sunday, 16 June 2013

Happy Uncle's day !

It has been a very busy week.

Today is, of course, Uncle's Day.

Uncle's Day is a celebration, that the inhabitants of Homeward insist on having, honouring me and recognising the many charitable donations I have made over the past year, and the influence I have had on good citizenship in Homeward society.

The Crookball people always get terribly excited over the event and like to parade through the many towers of my domain with banners.

I have, also this week, had the great pleasure of opening the Badgertown Broadcasting Corporation's new state of the art facility at Broadcasting Tower.

I was very keen to see how the £98 million I had lent the King of the Badgers for a super duper new digital media system had been spent. This very clever system enables programme makers to call up any material in digital format at the touch of a button !

I was looking forward to seeing a very old film of the day I first accepted the keys of Homeward from Wizard Blenkinsop. I don't know what went wrong - smoke started pouring out of the computer and everyone got into a panic. Luckily they managed to dust off an old projector and I was able to watch the film over a nice bucket of cocoa and a bunch of bananas.

I think I will have to have a word with the King about that 92 million, though. I very much hope he has not spent it on a new coach.

On Uncle's Day the I also give out my annual awards and honours. I have made the Old Monkey a knight, he is now Sir Old Monkey of Monkey-and-Engine-Room Wood.

The media tycoon, Rupert Miser, is a MUG. He received the Most Uncilicious Order of the Garter.

Unfortunately, this led to more broadcasting traumas and accusations against my goodself. Unbeknownst to me, it appears that Mr Miser has been funding Badfort TV. I would never have honoured him if I had been aware that he was enabling their dissemination of half truths and lies.

Thank goodness, the plug was pulled on the station and it is now off air. It appears that Mister Miser accused Beaver Hateman of profligacy when he discovered that the drinks vending machine in their studios had been tampered with so that no money needed to be put in.

The Badfort News is now attempting to claim that the real reason for Mister Miser's actions has more to do with the award I have bestowed upon him. A quid pro quo, if you will, for a gong.

Rumours abound, however, that the true reason for Mister Miser's behaviour may have more to do with Beaver Hateman's amorous dalliances with his wife.

Not a very sensible way for a political leader to behave.

Monday, 10 June 2013

Homeward's Got Talent

This weekend was the final of that ever popular television show "Homeward's Got Talent".

Distraction, a group of shadow badger dancers from Badgertown, reduced all of the judges to tears with a Homeward themed performance that included a rendition of "Hail, Glorious Uncle" and excerpts from one of my sterling exultation's on the importance of good citizenship.

Somehow, they even managed to contort their bodies into a representation of the skyscrapers of my vast domain with myself depicted atop its ramparts !

Not surprisingly, they won the most public votes - despite some carping from the dwarfs, of my many towers, who moaned that we might as well rename the programme "Badgertown's Got Talent".

They were none to happy about the fact that the performance of the two singing dwarfs, who had also made it to the final, was marred by a rather nasty egg throwing incident.

It appears that Hitmouse had disguised himself as a dwarf, in order to infiltrate their backing singers.

So incensed was he by what he described as "all this sucking up to the fat tyrant" that right in the middle of the duos rendition of "Oh what a friend we have in Uncle" he ran forward and threw eggs at all of us judges. The King of the Badgers got yolk all down his ermine and I got an egg in my face!

Disgraceful behaviour!