Voting is well under way in the Badgertown Town Council Election, but a scandalous attempt at fraud has been uncovered by my Detective, A.B.Fox.
Using state of the art X-Ray equipment he has obtained evidence that the diminutive Hitmouse, erstwhile reporter on 'The Badfort News', has hidden in one of the ballot boxes and is creating votes for Hateman - whilst swallowing the real voting papers!
It is a disgrace, and the King of the Badgers says I can squat in Badgertown Town Hall for as long as I like!
Now that the electioneering for the Badgertown Town Council Elections is over it is an opportune time to look back at some of the social media memes that have been generated.
By far the most famous must be the one of Beaver Hateman attempting to eat a scob fish in a rather disgusting manner.
It has been reprinted in the 'Badgertown Rag' today with the headline 'This is the oily mess Hateman could get us into.'
The Badfort Crowd attempted to show their leader in a different light by issuing photos of him feeding a poor little donkey.
Unfortunately, a wider view of the scene revealed that the sad looking animal was really the Wooden Legged Donkey, a notorious member of the Badfort Gang. He was, in reality, guzzling from a tin of that noxious libation, Black Tom.
The most dispicable meme has to be this libelous one suggesting that The King of the Badgers is a pawn in my pocket.
At first they both seemed to get along fine, agreeing that this was not the time for “giddy euphoria”.
However, once Hateman had cracked open a few bottles of Black Tom, they were soon having a merry time and shouting about putting the world to rights.
Unfortunately, after they had downed one too many of the noxious brew they, inevitably, ended up in a fight. Not, it should be noted, because the their political differences but due to a disagreement over who had the most luxurious hair and twitter followers. "You not seen it, Mate!" shouted Beaver "Hashtag hatefandom, innit? They love me, all those teenage girls! Wot you got! You got nothin' mate!" When Russell argued that he did, in fact, have millions of followers - Hateman smashed a bottle of Black Tom over his head.
The behaviour of the Chairman of the 'Badfort National Party' is disgraceful. Hootman, the ghost who is Beaver Hateman's right hand spectre and chief schemer of plots, has been exposed as a con-man.
It appears that, under the pseudonym of 'Grant Shapps', he tried to flog an online toolkit called "How To Become Stinking RICH" – which he claimed would earn purchasers £20,000 in 20 days.
An image on his website featured Hootman grinning in his luxury cart alongside the boast:
“That’s me… sitting in my brand-spanking-new cart"
Hootman charged £200 for this 'toolkit' which turned out to be no more than a copy of my biography!
I must admit that, if readers follow the example of my own life, they too could rise from lowly and humble origins to great wealth. Like myself. But it is a book that I give away for free to all the inhabitants of Homeward!
He then suggests in the 'toolkit' that they also sell a book, for exorbitant sums, about how they have used my book to get wealthy!