Thursday, 16 August 2012

Olympic Closing Ceremony

Well, I must say, I think the Homeward Olympics went very well!

The Closing Ceremony was splendid!

First of all we gave out the medals to the Marathon winners. An event that was not without controversy.

Lennie Leoprad was expected to do well - but, although he is without doubt the fastest animal on the planet, leopards do not really have the staying power for a marathon.

Homeward's hopes were on Brass the Dog. He is part Husky. We had been feeding him up with 10,000 calories a day, knowing that sled dogs are capable of around 15 mph for up to six hours at a time!

A lot of people put money on Agnes Antelope to win (well one would, knowing her stamina) but she flounced off in a huff before the finish - accusing the Little Lion of salivating over her.

Everyone had underestimated Claudius the Camel. An essential part of running long distance is keeping hydrated - no problem for a camel!

It looked like a clear win for Claudius, when, right from the back, Hitmouse sprinted forward at the last minute!

Compared to other animals, humans have a high energy cost of running and can only manage about 13 miles an hour. So no one expected such a performance from one of Badfort's smallest competitors.

Sadly, I have to report that he was disqualified. His performance was not unaided. It transpired, after tests had been carried out, that he had taken Gleamhound's Sleepeeze  - a patent relaxant aid for a good night's sleep. This explained why he was so full of beans, as Gleamhound's products all have the reverse affect to that intended.

As always, we sang the Olympic anthem:

Olympian flame immortal
Whose beacon lights our way
Emblaze our hearts with the fires of hope
On this momentous day

As now we come across the world
To share these Games of old
Let all the mammals of every land
In brotherhood unfold

As Homeward had won the majority of medals, everyone kindly sang "Glorious Uncle" as well. Which was nice.

The only dubious part of the celebrations was the decision of the King of the Badgers to include some of the popular hits of the last 50 years. Sadly, this meant that we had to endure a reunion of Beaver Hateman's punk band singing 'Anarchy in Homeward'

The extinguishing of the Olympic  Flame was somewhat abrupt and unceremonial, as well.

Beaver Hateman poured a bucket of water over it and said "Right, that's over for another four years ! - we'll have a proper do at Badfort, then!'

Well, I suppose it is their turn - but mark my words, it will be an absolute disaster!

1 comment: