Tuesday, 1 December 2009

The Importance of being a Celebrity

It has become an annual tradition for me, at the request of the King of the Badgers, to switch on the Christmas lights of Badgertown.

This has not been the case this year.

No, this year the citizens of Badgertown have turned their backs on celibritydom.

They mounted a campaign for an ordinary member of the public to perform this honoured task.

They chose Nigel Badger, who works at the DIY shop Burrowbase, to do the job. Apparently, because of his "friendly manner and excellent customer service" at the store.

"He's such a pleasant chap that people queue up to be served by him," said Barry Badger, treasurer of the town's Christmas Lights Committee.

Now, and I hope this does not sound like sour grapes on my part, but did he really inspire the crowds as I would have?

Far be it for me to disparage the efforts of a humble plebeian, for were my own origins not of the humblest kind?, however, surely "Oh, don't they look pretty" is hardly the standard of speech designed to inspire the crowd?

Of course, I am somewhat upset - I do always rather look forward to turning on the lights, to mark the start of yuletide festivities, and I was rather taken aback at the ingratitude of the folk of Badgertown. Particularly as, it is me who always pays for the lights.

The fact that I had spent many hours writing my speech is neither here nor there - I am most saddened because it is the content of the speech that is so important.

Here is an opportunity, particularly in a time of recession, to extoll the populace to got out and spend, and thus save the economy.

Not to say, considerably increase the coffers of the King of the Badgers with the additional tax revenue in his time of sorest means. I was hoping not to be asked for another loan so close to Christmas.

Instead of my thoughtful and erudite speech, designed to engender civic pride and the need to dig deep, we get a lot of vacuous populisms and chants of "Nigel, Nigel"!

When will people realise that celebrities are celebrities for good reason and elevating ordinary folk to this exalted position will end in tears?

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