Monday, 22 February 2010

Old Monkey denies Uncle ‘bullying’ claims

Yesterday the Badfort News printed an absolute pack of lies about my conduct.

You can be read them here - but I warn you, they are shocking and quite scurrilous!

My trusted companion, The Old Monkey, has given an interview to the Homeward Gazette refuting these malicious allegations.

He said "Uncle is very demanding of people, he's demanding of himself... He knows what he wants to do, he does not like taking no for an answer from anyone.

"On the way yes, there is a degree of impatience about the elephant, but what would you like? Some sort of shrinking violet at the helm when we are constantly being attacked by the Badfort Crowd?"

"I don't recognise this portrayal of him, he has always been most kind to me, he gives me 6d every Friday - on top of my wages!"

"I have known him for many years, during his initial struggles - his sole starting capital was a halfpenny, but he built up his fortune on this principle - to do the other person and himself good at the same time!

He is always in sympathy with those less fortunate than himself - there is no way that he would administer a kicking up to one of his aides!"

How kind of the Old Monkey. Of course you do get angry, mostly with yourself. But I'm very strong-willed, I'm very determined. Have I not always said, be upright, pay your rent, avoid brawling and disorder, and you will find Uncle a friend and protector at all times!

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