Applications considered

 The recent news on the republication of my biographies in Great Britain has caused me to dwell on the need to chronicle the events that have occurred in my life since the final volume by the late J.P.Martin. 

It is a decision I have put off for some time. What writer could follow in the footsteps of that scholarly Reverend ?

The old Monkey has suggested Mr Neil Gaiman. I am a great admirer of his many works - but is his style too fantastical and whimsical for the depiction of the minutiae of my many civic duties?

Collaboration with Mr Terry Pratchett has also been proposed, but his work has a satirical edge that would, I believe, be totally inappropriate for a serious tome depicting my many duties.

Will Shudder put forward his namesake, Mr Will Self. Completely out of the question. He would get everything back to front and all over the place. It would just give everyone a terrible headache, reading his version of events.

My personal favourite at the moment is double Man Booker prize winner Ms Hilary Mantel.

I feel that her experience would enable her to produce a well-rounded portrait of a pragmatic and talented elephant, such as myself, attempting to serve the people of Homeward amid the political machinations of the Badfort Crowd.

She has proved herself more than able to flesh out the historical fact of a life to produce a complete and compelling characterisation.

I am also sure that she can be relied upon to forswear any mention of bicycles.