A message from Uncle on the eightieth anniversary of the Wall Street crash, transmitted on the Badgertown Broadcasting Corporation from Homeward Castle.
Eighty years ago today the Wall Street crash set off an unprecedented financial panic that led to the great depression.
Last year the world was faced with a big financial collapse which again triggered a global recession. Times are still tough, but thanks to my timely action and injection of capital – Global Capitalism has been saved.
Luckily, the economy of Homeward has never been in recession – and never will be whilst my treasury is full to the rafters!
As you know, I have come down hard on the bankers of Badgertown who have been responsible for much of the troubles that have beset us – however whilst we need to get rid of the excesses, let us not throw the baby out with the bath water.
Bonuses were not the cause of the credit crunch. I have therefore agreed to allow certain bonuses to be paid to all bankers who are behaving themselves. This will be in the form of luncheon vouchers redeemable in all my restaurants!
The battle to stop this global downturn becoming a second great depression is being won. And this isn’t happening by accident. It is being won because of the massive investments I have made in all the rubbish banks around the world.
I will be working with European Union leaders in Brussels this week. What matters is what I do.
Sharp practices by lenders such as Beaver Hateman - such as threatening people with clubs and duck bombs - will end.
Remember hard work, responsibility, integrity, good citizenship and fairness are my watch words.
My pledge to you is to make naughty bankers behaving themselves a reality and to see Homeward’s economy grow even more by the turn of the year.