Thursday, 22 July 2010

Book Conspiracy

Brad posted the following comment, here, yesterday:

Dear Uncle,

To spite the Badfort tribe I have a proposition for you. I hope that with your influence and widespread appeal on twitter we may get the remaining four volumes of your biography published. Post the New York Review Books' link to recommend a new title on your twitter:

Tell everyone to give a spirited plea for a reprint of at least "Uncle and his Detective". I read a statistic that the NYRB only needs to sell around 5000 copies of a book to make a profit on the average cost of the rights to said book. So, if several hundred people write in within a month, let's say, they will know there is business to be had with Uncle. I hope you try this, as I am all eagerness to read your life story to my young niece. You are our favorite presiding pachyderm.

Best Wishes, Brad

What a splendid idea! My biographies are, of course, never out of print, here, at Homeward. Unfortunately, we are not able to offer a mail order service but you are all welcome to come and purchase them at the Homeward Souvenir Shop.

Many a young dwarf has come up to me and thanked me for the sage advice contained within and describing how my many adventures inspired them to turn from a dissolute life to one of entrepreneurship and good citizenry.

The Old Monkey is convinced that there is a conspiracy to keep my books off the shelves, masterminded by disgruntled politicians.

Clearly, sales of my biographies would massively outnumber titles such as 'The Audacity of Hope' or Mister Blair's forthcoming autobiography 'The Journey'.

I, myself, suspect that the answer is closer to home. I have it on good authority that publishers are reluctant to reprint my books out of fear of reprisals from the Badfort Crowd.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for posting my comment, Uncle!

    I think the conspiracy goes as far as the rare booksellers as well. Bookman and his ilk may wish to sell their "underground" copies of your biographies' first editions for enormous sums. I expect Beaver Hateman, though hating where the profits come from, will use the money in a plot against you.

    Cheers, Brad