Monday, 19 July 2010

My Beach House

You will have noticed that I have not had the opportunity to pen my adventures, here, on the interweb over the last few months.

The Old Monkey and I have been very busy, recently, overseeing the design and build of my own little Beach House, by Wizard Blenskinsop, at my favourite resort - Sunset Beach.

As you can see, it has been built in the modernist tradition of Homeward. Sadly, the local council refused me permission for a tower in the middle but it has many of the attributes of that great citadel. There are lots of secret passages - and even the Wizard admits that he does not know the purpose or destination of them. There are 120 rooms - 90% of which are underground and can only be accessed via water chutes.

The only blot in the landscape is, as usual, a certain abode at the end of the garden owned by Beaver Hateman and his cronies.

Beaver claims that it was donated to the cause by an old man who claimed to have played a mayor opart in the Russian Revolution of 1917. This seems a fanciful story to me, and I suspect the rumour that he won it in a rigged game of Spigots is nearer the truth.

As you can see, it is an utter eyesore.

It is almost as ugly as Badfort itself.

I have also been busy embracing the new style of politics that is against pointless regulation and unnecessary bureaucracy. I have asked the public of Homeward how they want me to redress the balance between the citizen and myself.

Unfortunately, this has led to the usual silly responses. The dwarfs have said that they want the law repealing that allows the fine old tradition of dwarf throwing.

The grey squirrels want to repeal the requirement to report the sighting of them in your back garden to the Old Monkey. However, everyone knows that they are renowned for their scavenging ways and are not to be trusted.

Beaver Hateman, not surprisingly, wants the law repealed preventing the letting off of fireworks during my speeches.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Uncle,

    To spite the Badfort tribe I have a proposition for you. I hope that with your influence and widespread appeal on twitter we may get the remaining four volumes of your biography published. Post the New York Review Books' link to recommend a new title on your twitter:

    Tell everyone to give a spirited plea for a reprint of at least "Uncle and his Detective". I read a statistic that the NYRB only needs to sell around 5000 copies of a book to make a profit on the average cost of the rights to said book. So, if several hundred people write in within a month, let's say, they will know there is business to be had with Uncle. I hope you try this, as I am all eagerness to read your life story to my young niece. You are our favorite presiding pachyderm.

    Best Wishes, Brad