Firstly, due to a vindictive campaign by The Badfort News, I was forced to resign from my duties as The King of the Badgers, unpaid, enterprise guru.
The Badfort News claimed that I had stated "For the vast majority of people in Badgertown today they have never had it so good ever since this recession – this so-called recession - started." and that I had said complaints about spending cuts came from "people who think they have a right for me to support them".
This is a gross distortion of the truth. I do not know how a private conversation between myself and the King of the Badgers became public, although I have my suspicions regarding Hitmouse's usage of phone tapping, but this is not what I said.
I was actually admonishing the King for asking me for yet another loan.
"Dear fellow," he begged "the fact is that I find myself somewhat finanacially embarrassed, my son has decided to get married - could not come at a worse time. He's insisting on the works and, to put it bluntly, I'm skint - any chance of a small loan?"
"Honestly, King there is a recession, you know? with all my loans you have never had it so good ever since this recession started. You seem to think that you have a right for me to support you - it really is not good enough - you must tighten your belt like everyone else!" I admonished him.
"Well," he blustered "I have sold the Duck House! and filled in the Moat!"
Of course, after the article in The Badfort News he described my remarks as inaccurate and offensive!
"Sorry old chap, had to, you know how it is - such a fuss - jolly good of you to resign!" he wheedled.
"Still, plenty of jobs need tackling at the Royal Palace - any chance, you fancy a job organising this bloomin' wedding? - your bash's at Homeward are always splendid!"
"Hmmm - a Royal Wedding? I must admit, that would be a first for me..." I mused.
"Great, knew I could rely on you...just a small matter of the finances..." said the King, clearly embarrassed.
"So you want me to organise it and pay for it!" I exclaimed.
"Splendid, chap! - jolly decent of you!" cut in the King.
"No what do you think of this Katie, then? she's a commoner you know? not sure if its a bit beyond the pale?" asked the King.
"Her family have a ten room burrow in Badgershire - they probably have more money than you!" I said scornfully "and may I remind you of my own humble beginnings in a mere tin shack in the African jungle - are you suggesting that I am in the slightest bit common?!!"
"No offence, old bean - er, any chance of a cheque today do you think?" blustered the King.
Of course, the big problem - will we be able to get away without inviting the Badfort Crowd?