With over 10,000 human competitors taking part in more than 20 sports, the Olympic battle of better physiques leaves out the other millions of species with specialised skills.
Why? because the organisers refuse to let the domination of humans in the games be overturned !
A cheetah can reach speeds up to 75 miles per hour! The fastest speed clocked by a human, Usain Bolt is a measly 27.45 mph.
If the cheetah's burst could be sustained, its sprint would lap the circumference of the Earth in 10 days, as opposed to the 10 months that several hundred human relay runners carry today's Olympic torches.
Tigers can leap as high as 5m (16ft) and as far as 9-10m (30-33ft), making them one of the highest jumping mammals.
Diving - the leatherback turtle descends as deep as 1,230m - the deepest dive ever recorded.
Polar bears are excellent swimmers and can sustain a pace of 10kph (6.2mph). They can swim for several hours at a time over long distances - some have been tracked swimming continuously for 100km (62 miles)
As for weightlifting - well yours truly can pick up a one-tonne weight with his trunk - no land animal can lift as much weight as that!
In the Olympic sprint, the ostrich could reach speeds twice as fast as the fastest human sprint. If the Olympics is a fair competition among the best on the planet, it would appear human vanity is the only attribute with its head buried in the sand.
In most cases of physical competition, animals can beat humans at their own games.
The only concession the IOC was willing to make was to allow the Homeward dwarfs to take part - but only if they agree to be in the Paralympics ! - clearly afraid that in all events where being immensely strong and small was an advantage we would win all the medals!
So, once again, we will be holding our own Homeward Olympics this summer - open to all !
Even the Badfort Crowd. As humans they were qualified to enter the Olympics, in London, but when they discovered that, under the sponsorship rules, they would only be allowed to drink Coca-Cola they pulled out.
The thought of two weeks without a tipple of Black Tom was a far greater challenge than any of the sporting events.
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