Saturday, 5 October 2013


The Homeward Gazette will not back down in its battle with Beaver Hateman.

I advised the newspaper not to issue an apology for the editorial I wrote concerning Beaver Hateman's father.

Beaver Hateman has consistently claimed that his father was a rabid anarchist, like himself, and a great influence on his political thinking. It is therefore only right to investigate the background of the man. To this end I sent my detective, A.B. Fox, to rummage through the trash cans outside Badfort.

As I exclusively revealed, in my editorial, it is clear now that Ralf Hateman was a stockbroker from Purley and an out and out capitalist.

Far from dressing in the trademark anarchist sackcloth garb of the Badfort Crowd, Ralf Hateman preferred a pinstriped three-piece suit. In fact, he was the picture of sartorial elegance and could be seen regularly at 8.00 a.m. on the fast train to Loadsamoney Tower.

He built Badfort in the 1930's and, despite Beaver's claims that it's ramshackle nature was an anarchic riposte to the capilist monolithism of Homeward, his writings clearly show that he hated the place because it was such a tip.

Hateman Senior's intention was to build a home that rivalled Homeward in it's opulence and ostentation. However, a share deal that became mired in accustations of skullduggery and litigation forced him to complete the project with the cheapest of materials. His home became a symbol of his own failed ambition.

Beaver Hateman has issued a statement that is typically blunt:

"My father loved Badfort and the anarchist cause. As always, the fat tyrant of Homeward seeks to smear my family by questioning our values. This, from an elephant of the jungle who lives by the law of the jungle!"

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