Sunday, 22 December 2013

King of the Badgers pardons Beaver Hateman after Toy Scandal

I have done my good deed for Christmas.

I have persuaded the King of the Badgers to issue a pardon for Beaver Hateman and his gang so that they can go home for the festivities.

Earlier this month they had all been arrested and jailed, when it was discovered that they were selling horribly tacky Christmas toy figurines of myself and the King.

These they claimed "will grant every purchaser the wish of their dreams on Christmas Day - a promise to you from Uncle and the King of the Badgers, themselves."

These disgraceful 'souvenirs' were subjected to various tests, by Wizard Blenkinsop, and found to have no magical properties at all. In fact, when the innards were investigated by my detective A.B.Fox they were found to contain a large quantity of soot, a small quantity of explosive and a timing device set to go off on Christmas Day. The recipient of one of these 'presents' would have been covered in soot from head to toe, whilst a recorded message within the object would announce "The King of the Badgers and the tyrant Uncle have perpetrated this attack against you. Rise up and overthrow them, now!"

I have received much praise from leaders around the world for my kindly act, considering how heinous the crimes of the Badfort Crowd.

Whilst not wishing to blow my own trunk, I was pleased at the reception to my magnanimity. Until that is I stumbled across the copy of 'The Badfort News" that my followers had attempted to keep hidden from me:

The decision demonstrate Uncle’s singular ability not only to wield executive power but also to bend the legislative and judicial branches of government to his will, and to exert heavy control over the Homeward news media.

“What we are seeing is an elephant who has no limits on his power in a country that never was democratic, that never had anything called a balance of power — where one of the estates could balance the power of another,” said Mister Beaver Hateman on his release.

“There is no Fourth Estate,” he said. “And as a matter of fact there is no Second or Third Estate. There is just the First, just that fat tyrant pachyderm. That’s the way things are today in Homeward.” 

That is the thanks one gets from those Badfort anarchists for making sure they can enjoy Christmas with the rest of us !

I have a good mind to rescind our usual Christmas Truce and not invite the scoundrels to my Christmas party !

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