My Head Chef, the dwarf Mig, uses an oxy-acetylene gas stove. He stands on it to work and wears dark glasses, or else the glare would ruin his eyes. He has long been a proponent of this style of cooking, and has achieved a great deal of celebrity on the television extolling its virtues.
His Christmas cookbooks are now as much a part of Christmas as mince pies, family arguments and my speech on TV.
Somewhat annoyingly, it looks like his offering this year is likely to outsell the recently released new edition of my biographies 'The Complete Uncle'
I wish, at this point, to point out that the scurrilous rumours, being put about by Beaver Hateman, that I have been sending my staff out to buy copies of the book in order to boost the position of it in the sales charts are totally unfounded. I may have bought a few additional copies to give to my loyal followers as Christmas gifts. The fact that these followers (in high positions of influence, naturally), number in the thousands is neither here nor there.
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