Case: Rex vs Mister Beaver Hateman, Criminal Libel
Presiding Judge: Sir George Jeffreys
Counsel for the Prosecution: Godfrey Badger K.C.
Counsel for the Defence: Mister Hootman G.H.O.S.T
Judge Jeffreys: Let us here your speech for the Defence, Mister Hootman.
Mr Hootman: If it please M’lud. Members of the jury, we have never sought to undermine the gravity of the accusations made in the newspaper, of which Mister Hateman is the proprietor. The only possible justification is that which we have pleaded, namely that they are true. You have seen the accused, Mister Hateman, and perhaps formed the opinion that he is, as my learned friend has suggested, a man of uncertain temper. But that is not what he is on trial for, members of the jury. You must ask yourselves not whether he is impulsive and hot tempered but whether he is a witness of the truth.
Now, as for Uncle’s doubtful public service – that is completely irrelevant. His activities as the owner of Homeward have no bearing on the vicious attack on innocents described in The Badfort News.
I must remind you, members of the jury, you must not allow Uncle’s position to bedazzle you. Your sole interest is, of course, the facts. A public reputation may command respect in some quarters but it also presumes certain standards that Uncle falls well short of.
Uncle is a tyrant, whose staff stand so in awe of him that they are prepared to do his bidding in everything he asks. Including perjuring themselves in the witness stand if he so demands.
Not once did Mister Hateman falter in his assertion that he was attacked by Uncle. That what took place did take place.
We are supposed to believe that Mister Hateman just blatantly walked into the Treasury to take Uncle’s fortune – is this believable? The prosecution claim that he made used of some absurd garment of invisibility. This claim is part of the establishment’s use of magic and fantasy to, once more, oppress the masses. It has been foisted upon us in order to deceive us about the true nature of the world we live in – one of endless labour for the bosses. To be deceived about the truth of things and so to be in ignorance and error and to harbour untruth in the soul is a thing no-one should consent to.
Arise ye workers from your slumbers Arise ye prisoners of want For reason in revolt now thunders And at last ends the age of cant. Away with all your superstitions Servile masses arise, arise We'll change henceforth the old tradition And spurn the dust to win the prize.
No saviour from on high delivers No faith have we in prince or peer Our own right hand the chains must shiver Chains of hatred, greed and fear E'er the thieves will give up their booty And give to all a happier lot. Each at the forge must do their duty And we'll strike while the iron is hot.
Strike now Comrades – declare our leader not guilty!
Judge Jeffreys: Thank you Mister Hootman – it is nice to end the day on a song. Tomorrow I shall sum up for the jury.