Friday, 28 March 2008

Crown Court - The Verdict

Clerk of the Court: Will the foreman please stand. Just answer this question yes or no. Have you reached a verdict upon which you are all agreed?

Foreman: Yes.

Clerk of the Court: Do you find the accused, Beaver Hateman, guilty or not guilty?

Foreman: Guilty!

Clerk of the Court: And that is the verdict of you all?

Foreman: Everyone, except ‘Red’ Dwarf over there – I knew he would be difficult about it. I think he’s a commie.

Judge Jeffreys: Well, I must say you took your time about it – I expected you to find him guilty quicker than that.

Foreman: Well, we just wanted one more night in that lovely hotel – it ain’t often you get a nice holiday like this…

Judge Jeffreys: Enough! It is now my duty to pass sentence.

Clerk of the Court: Will the prisoner stand.

At this point Mister Hateman put on a tatty dressing gown and attempted to walk out of the court. He was stopped and subdued by two guards.

Mister Hateman: How come you can see me?

Judge Jeffreys: Can someone please explain to me what the prisoner thinks he is playing at?

Uncle: If I might cast some light on his actions M’lud?

Judge Jeffreys: Yes, please, that would be most helpful.

Uncle: Mister Hateman is under the illusion that he is wearing the missing Wizard’s Dressing Gown - thus rendering him invisible. We deliberately let it be known that we were sending it to the dry cleaners in the knowledge that Mister Hateman would attempt to steal the item of clothing, again. This he did, but he was unaware that we had substituted a copy – with no magical powers whatsoever.

Judge Jeffreys: I see, found guilty and then an attempt to evade justice using the magical powers that he had earlier denied the existence of. This is very serious, indeed. I shall have to contemplate the severest penalties for these crimes. I will pass sentence tomorrow, after due consideration.

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