Friday, 11 February 2011

The Badgers are revolting over 'Biscuit' Haven

The badgers are revolting. I am not being badgerist - they literally are revolting.

Led on by Beaver Hateman, they are protesting in Badgertown Town Hall Square over the biscuit situation.

Badgers do love their biscuits. Having voted in Dave "the biscuit" Macaroon and Nick 'Cream' Custard, last year (in a what some felt was a half-baked coalition) the badgers had hoped that, at least, there biscuits would be safe.

However, since coming into power, the coalition have argued that biscuit cuts are inevitable.

"I would love to see ample supplies of biscuits for everyone" said David Macaroon "but when you're borrowing 11% of your GDP to pay for biscuits, it's not possible. It just isn't."

However, The Badfort News is accusing Macaroon of duplicity:

While Macaroon insists that he occupies the centre ground of Badgertown politics, that he shares the badger's burdens and feels their pain, he has quietly been plotting with banks and businesses to engineer the greatest transfer of biscuits from the poor to the ultra-rich that Badgertown has ever seen. Under the new tax proposals, companies will pay nothing at all in Badgertown for biscuits made by their foreign branches. But that's not the end of it. While big business will be exempt from tax on its foreign biscuits, it will, amazingly, still be able to claim the expense of funding its foreign biscuits against tax it pays in Badgertown! So, Camaroon turns Badgertown into a biscuit haven for the rich, whilst poor badgers have to make do with hardtack shipbiscuits. Meanwhile, the fat cat businessmen are living it up with Biscotti, Galettes Bretonnes, Hobnobs, West African Coconut Biscuits and luxury Continental Biscuits!

Beaver Hateman is urging the badgers to rise up against their oppressors in "The Garibaldi Biscuit Revolution!"

The Garibaldi is a particular favourite of the badgers and consists of currants squashed between two thin, oblong biscuits- a currant sandwich.

Baever soon saw how he could use the fact that the biscuit is named after Giuseppe Garibaldi, an Italian general and leader of the fight to unify Italy.

Standing on the balcony of Badgertown Town Hall he incited the crowd by saying "Come citizens - let us be inspired by the Generalissimo! - united we can take back our Garibaldi's!"

The King of the Badgers was soon on the phone to me. "What can I do, Uncle, they won't settle for the dryed up old digestives in the Palace store!"

"Don't worry, your majesty, I have the matter in hand. I am sending over Cowgill with ten truckloads of Fortnum and Mason Chocolossus biscuits!"

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