Since I bought my first newspaper (not to read! - I bought the company!) , The Homeward Gazette, I have striven to shake up the world's press!
I have now decided to venture into the world of digital publishing by launching The Daily Uncle!
It is designed to work on Cowgill's splendid new clockwork invention, that he named the ePad (e for elephant - after me).
It heralds a new journalism for new times. It combines the "serendipity and surprise" of newspapers with the speed and versatility of new technology. Readers merely need to ring up the Homeward telephone exchange to have a copy of the newspaper beamed to their e-pad device!
I have appointed Goodman the cat as editor - his handwriting is exceptionally neat.
I held a launch party for the newspaper - and that horrible chief reporter for The Badfort News, Hitmouse, had the effrontery to ask whether the Daily would be less biased towards me and against the Badfort Crowd than The Homeward Gazette. I replied that it was entirely up to Goodman to decide.
"We are patriotic," Goodman replied. "We love Homeward, and we appreciate Uncle's beneficence and good deeds."