Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Ten of the best: castles

Of course, I appreciate that you are all keen to hear what happened after the Royal Wedding fiasco. However, this must wait as far more important news has come in.

Homeward has been listed as the best castle in the Top Ten castles of the world!

Mister John Mullan has compiled the list for The Guardian newspaper of Great Britain.

Due to an error, on the part of some editor I imagine, the list has been printed back to front - with Homeward at the bottom!

Even more bizarrely - most of the castles appear to be fictitious!

I have therefore composed my own list which I believe more accurately displays the virtues of the great castles of the world.


Homeward is hard to describe, but try to think of about a hundred skyscrapers all joined together and surrounded by a moat with a drawbridge over it, and you'll get some idea. The towers are of many colours, and there are bathing pools and gardens amongst them, also switchback railways running from tower to tower, and water-chutes from top to bottom. It is, of course, the largest (and most glorious) castle in the world - larger than Manhattan!

So legendary is Homeward that it has been immortalised in song many times:

Forget Manhattan, I'll take Homeward, the Moat,
and Lonely Tower too, it's lovely going through the zoo
It's very fancy on old Uncle Street, you know.
The switchback charms us so, when balmy breezes blow to and fro.
And tell me what tower compares with Lion Tower in July.

All other castles are much smaller and of little architectural interest.

Neuschwanstein Castle

 Royal palace in the Bavarian Alps of Germany, the most famous of three royal palaces built for Louis II of Bavaria, sometimes referred to as Mad King Ludwig, who grew up nearby at Hohenschwangau Castle. I'm not surprised he was mad - looks like something out of a Disney movie!

Palace of Versailles 

 Let them eat cake indeed!  - it looks like a cheap wedding cake! Not even a proper castle!

Chateau de Chamonceau

Again - not even a proper castle. It was built on the site of an old mill on the River Cher and is really nothing more than a glorified mill!

Chateau du Chambord

Alright, if you like that sort of thing - I suppose.

Linderhof Palace

A lot of schloss if you ask me!

Tower of London

Who would want to live there ! It's more like a prison!

Leeds Castle

 Tiny, and the maze is rubbish!


Not my cup of tea - barely bigger than the Great Hall of Homeward.

Mont Saint Michel

Cut off by the sea half the time - and having to listen to those monks chanting all the time - what a bore!

1 comment:

  1. John Mullan is an exceedingly clever man but I must concur Homeward definitely tops the list...