Sunday, 16 January 2011

Appealing to Shipping Forecast Homewarders

Wolf Lodge

Southwest 7 to severe gale 9, decreasing 5 to 7. Rough or very rough. Squally showers. Good

Lion Tower, Walrus Tower

Southerly 5 to 7, occasionally gale 8 at first. Rough or very rough. Squally showers. Good

Afghan Flats, Owl Springs

Southwest 7 to severe gale 9, decreasing 5 to 7. Moderate or rough. Squally showers. Good

Haunted Tower, Blowpipe Laundry, Digger, Bodger, Animal Bite, Humble

Southwesterly 5 to 7, occasionally gale 8 at first. Moderate or rough. Occasional rain, fog patches later. Moderate, occasionally very poor later

Crack House, Treacle, Bread Walk, Whooshburg Precipice, Closed Gallery

Southwest 6 to gale 8, becoming variable 4. Moderate or rough, but very rough or high in west Treacle. Rain, fog patches. Moderate, occasionally very poor

Sunset Beach

Variable mainly southerly or southwesterly, 3 or 4. Rough or very rough. Occasional rain. Good, occasionally poor

I have to say, the Old Monkey is a genius at identifying precisely the Political Zeitgeist of our times. No one has quite their finger on the pulse of the body politic, as he.

Only last night I was bemoaning the fact that, despite my firm hand on the tiller of economics during these stormy times, there are still many dwarfs bemoaning their lot.

"Oh yes, Sir, but these are, what I have identified as, Shipping Forecast Homewarders. You see, there are some dwarfs who are congenital worriers. They toss and turn and cannot get to sleep, so they have to listen to the Shipping Forecast to lull themselves off into the land of nod. Do you realise that they are such insomniacs that when they finally fall asleep, it is such a deep sleep that they have to set an alarm clock in order to make sure they awake in time to go down the mines? It makes them very disgruntled and disaffected, I am afraid, Sir " he explained.

"An alarm clock, you say?" I asked, unable to believe my ears.

"I am afraid so, Sir - astounding I know, given that life in Homeward is so joyous, one assumed that the inhabitants jumped out of bed every morning with a spring in their step!" he replied.

"Don't worry, Sir, I have a solution - we shall give the populace Gleamhound's patent Energizer tablets. For, we all know Gleamhound's cures work backwards - thus insuring them a good night's sleep. May I also suggest a medal for every citizen that gets out of bed on time?" he added.

"Splendid idea Old Monkey - I do not know what I would do without your sage advice!" I replied.

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