Tuesday, 11 January 2011

We are all in this together

As we all know, these are harsh economic times - not so much for the citizens of Homeward, who benefit from my judicious economic planning, but tough for the badgers of Badgertown.

The King of the Badgers has had to introduce drastic cuts in public spending and had to raise taxes to cover his debts (most of which, it must be said, is money that I have lent him).

We are all in this together and all must make a contribution (well, I already have - lending him the money in the first place).

It is important to show solidarity with our fellow creatures, the badgers. I have asked the Old Monkey to make as many household budget cuts as are possible. For instance, I now only have two bunches of bananas for breakfast rather than three. One can always do with losing a bit of weight after Christmas, anyway.

In order to save on fuel I am not using my traction engine. I now travel around Homeward in my carriage, drawn by the Respectable Horses - it provides gainful employment for them, and they are more than happy with a few bales of hay.

In the spirit of solidarity, I have also agreed to appear on the Badgertown Broadcasting Corporation's reality show "Oh, how the Mighty have fallen" in which rich and successful entrepreneurs, such as myself, pretend to be poor and jobless to find out how ordinary badgers survive on very little.

No doubt this will be an emotional and uplifting experience for the audience. I do, however, believe that it will also be educative for them. For, coming from humble beginnings, myself - I hardly think that this will be difficult or, indeed, arduous. They should be able to pick up quite a few tips from me on how they can tighten their belts and balance a budget.

I will be moving into a humble badger set in one of the rougher districts of Badgertown. Clearly, though, badgers are much smaller than average well proportioned, but big boned, elephant.

It has therefore been necessary to scale the accomodation up proportionally. So, luckily, I will still have room for my mud jacuzzi. I do not know what I would do if I could not have a good wallow in the morning!

Of course, a similar problem arises when one tries to match the diet of these poor badgers. They are a lot smaller than me. So, again, it is necessary for me to have rather more to eat than them.

We do all need to make sacrifices in these difficult times - but one clearly cannot expect these to be equal. Who has ever seen a thin billionaire elephant? - it would be most unnatural.

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