Sunday, 29 November 2009


The most appalling breach of security has taken place!

Last week, I held a banquet in honour of a visit by President Obama of the United States.

I was standing in line, shaking the hands of the distinguished guests. A rather odd man wearing a tatty blue sackcloth suit and accompanied by, to put it bluntly, his rather ugly wife, introduced himself in a most impolite manner.

“Hi Unc, sucking up to the Prez again?” he declared.

I was so taken aback that, without thinking, I put my hand out when he proffered his.

I felt a stinging shock run through my whole body!

“Yah Boo Unc!, that’ll teach you for livin’ it up at the expense of the proletariat!” laughed the ugly woman!

As the man withdrew his hand I saw that it contained an electric shock device.

I looked at his face – he was cleverly disguised but I realised that without his beard and glasses he looked uncannily similar to Beaver Hateman!

As they made a run for it I grabbed the woman’s hair – it came off in my hands revealing Sigismund Hateman!

“Suckered you, Un!” he declared, as he made for the window.

I managed to catch up with Beaver and give him an almighty kicking up!....but not before Sigismund had made off with the commemorative gift that Barack had given to me. A gold medal inscribed “Thank you Uncle, Saviour of Global Capitalism!”.

It was all most embarrassing, and A.B.Fox, who was supposed to be in charge of security, is mortified.

Barack was most understanding – “It has happened to the best of us!” he declared.

It transpires that it was all a publicity stunt – Beaver and Sigismund are to be participants in a Badfort TV reality show programme called ‘The Real Revolutionaries of Homeward’.

This is not an end to the matter. I was planning to wear my new medal at my Christmas party and I am determined to retrieve it.

Buy my Biographies in Great Britain here and here

Buy my Biographies in America here and here

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