Friday, 16 April 2010

Badgertown’s Got Talent – The Leader’s Debate

Last night saw the first of three televised debates between the candidates for Mayor in the Badgertown elections.

The King of the Badgers has decided the format for theses debates - he appears to have been influenced by the structure of some of his favourite television programmes.

Each candidate was required to sing, dance, or perform in some manner - competing against each other for audience support.

Dave, the biscuit, Macaroon chose to sing his replies. He gave a marvellous rendition of “I've Been Everywhere, man”. In which he listed all the various districts of Badgertown that he had visited and the people he had met. I must say, however, that it became somewhat tedious, as every question was answered with a song. We were treated to performances of “You've got a friend”, “All together now”, and of course the classic “Cumulative current budget deficit blues”

The Bad Party candidate, Gordon 'Fudge' Brownie, decided to answer all questions via a glove puppet effigy of myself. Utterly disgraceful.

The rules of debate forbade the audience from laughing or clapping, but I was furious to see members of the audience covering their mouths and going very red in the face during Gordon’s performances. They were clearly trying to suppress their giggles – something I cannot understand, as there was nothing funny about his antics. Also, I do not go around shrieking, “Where are my bananas?” when asked questions about fiscal policy.

Nick Custard, of the Yellow Mellow Party, did surprisingly well in the debate. I was most impressed by his banana juggling act and his assertion that “Electrical banana Is gonna be a sudden craze. Electrical banana Is bound to be the very next phase.”

He clearly has a grasp on the future direction for Badgertown and the importance of herbaceous plants of the genus Musa in that future.

The incumbent Mayor, Noddy Ninety, fared least well in the debate. He had insisted on setting up his model railway and giving a long lecture on the importance of running the railways on time. He answered every question in a very flat way – as if reading from a timetable. He also had an annoying habit of blowing his whistle at regular intervals claiming that it was time for the candidates to leave the platform or they would miss the last train to Clarksville - “Cause I've made your reservation, don't be slow, Oh, no, no, no,” he stated.

Make of that what you will.

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