I have been forced to reprimand Piers Morgan and Sir Alan Sugar for their unseemly behaviour on Twitter.
It really is beyond the pale to bicker over who is raising the most for charity, it is unseemly conduct which could lead people to question the actions of all us multi-millionaire and billionaire philanthropists.
It is also a pointless exercise - for am I not known as the 'Prince' of Philanthropists?
Have Mister Morgan or Sir Alan ever been presented with a painting, by a world renowned artist (Waldovenison Smeare), depicting one of their charitable acts?
I talk of course of the famous work of art "Uncle opening the Dwarf's Drinking Fountains" - one of my many great deeds of benovolence.
How many civic leaders have had a statue dedicated to them by students of the university they have funded?
For it is true, in recognition of my bountiful dedication to free university education the students of Homeward University erected a fine effigy, of myself, to grace the entrance.
Mind you it makes sound economic sense - I can only charge uneducated dwarfs a farthing a week rent (although they do get a fair wage down my mines) whereas graduates get far better paid jobs and I can charge them a halfpenny!