Wednesday, 30 September 2009

My Hero - Uncle

How gratifying - The Guardian newspaper is to publish an article about me written by The Old Monkey.

I must say, it is heart warming to have ones good deeds recognised in this way although that is not, of course, why one does them.

My Hero - Uncle

How can I begin to number the kindnesses of my master Uncle?

He is a true hero to the people of his castle, Homeward.

For without his largesse they would not have a roof over their heads, or the food on their plates.

Not content with charging the many dwarfs of his towers a minimal rent, his charitable works show no bounds. Who can forget that wonderful day when he opened the Dwarfs Drinking Fountains?, or the parties that he has hosted, for all, at Christmas?

It brings a tear to my eye as I think of all those grateful inhabitants, of his vast domain, singing “Hail, Glorious Uncle!” in welcome everywhere we go.

His bounty goes even further than Homeward, however. He has earned the respect of Messrs Obama and Brown, and gratitude from the world, for preventing the collapse of global capitalism.

Yet, despite his vast wealth and his prominent position on the world stage he has never forgotten his humble beginnings. He has sought to help the youth of today to become good citizens and entrepreneurs.

He is much appreciated as a learned elephant of letters. Regrettably, and unaccountably, only two volumes of his biography are in print. The out of print volumes are much sought after by the cognoscenti.

The only cloud on his otherwise idyllic life of good works is the existence of the despicable Beaver Hateman and his band of miscreants.

A bunch of thieves and con-merchants, they attempt to disguise their dastardly acts beneath the cloak of political change. They make wild accusations against our kind-hearted Uncle in order to justify their own attempts to gain power.

As always, however, good will triumph!

Hail, Glorious Uncle!

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