The Old Monkey is in tears. He is deeply upset by remarks made by Mister Stephen Fry in a Radio Times interview about his forthcoming series Last Chance to See.
Regarding monkeys, Mister Fry states "Monkeys remind me of the worst features of humanity. Greed, deceit, rapacity, cupidity, aggression, self-pity, selfishness - but without the altruism, compassion, curiosity and charm."
I am appalled. The Old Monkey has been in my service for many years and has always been a faithful friend and helper. He has always acted in a selfless manner for the good of the citizens of Homeward.
Why Lemurs have been exempted from these critical remarks I do not know ? - everyone is aware of their duplicitous nature. Indeed, Mister Beaver Hateman has used them a number of times to carry out illegal activities requiring victims to be duped by their apparent cuteness. He has trained many in the skills of dipping and pocket picking.
The Old Monkey is distraught - he has always looked up to Mister Fry and, in particular, has used the fellows portrayal of Jeeves the butler as his role model in how to best serve myself.
I expect an immediate apology for this slur on my trusted valet.