Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Uncles' Den - Day 2

I have to say I have been far more impressed with the inventions that were presented to us today.

My Treasury guard, Oldeboy, was first up.

Noddy Ninety gave him an encouraging smile as he began his presentation. Oldeboy is only about sixteen, but he is always pretending to be old. He admires Noddy Ninety so much he copies him in every possible way, even wearing an artificial beard and large spectacles.

He removed a white sheet covering his mysterious object. It appeared to be a likeness of my self in leather and metal!

"Remarkable!" I exclaimed "What is it for?"

"Sir, I give you the elephant battle suit!" he declared.

"It provides the ultimate protection from duck bomb attack - filters out all noxious fumes and is impervious to the sticky contents of the devices. It has highly sensitive sound detection earpieces preventing members of the Badfort Crowd sneaking up on you. Also included are tusk electric ray emitters that disable combatants. The leather trunk protector also acts as an amplifier causing your attacker to run screaming from the high pitched audio assault!" explained Oldeby.

"Splendid!" I exclaimed "A marvelous invention, at last!"

"Ahem, but Sir, is there really a big market for such a singular item? after all, there are not huge numbers of elephants under constant attack from the Badfort Crowd." queried the Old Monkey.

"Nonsense!" I retorted "I'm in! I'll have a dozen, Oldeboy!"

The next in was my music teacher. He is a little man called Gordono. His real name is Thomaso Elsicar Gordono. He's an Italian, and everyone calls him the Maestro. He had a musical invention for us.

"I call this the Twock - it is a clockwork music player with literally thousands of tunes stored on it. Moreover, one can also use it for twitting. I know, Sir, that you are a profound twitter and you will be pleased to know that every turn of the key produces enough power for 5 twits!"

He then proceeded to demonstrate the product.

I have to admit to having a tear in my eye when the beautiful rendition had finished.

"I think even the most steely hearted businessman would be moved to invest in this beautiful product, I think you would all agree?" I declared to the panel.

Finally, Den Dwarf came forward with his product.

"It's a teasmade, Sir!" he expounded - clearly very proud of his metalwork invention.

"It's a little on the large side for a bedside implement, wouldn't you say" I replied sceptically.

"Not when you've got a load of other dwarfs living with you all clamoring for a cuppa in the morning!" he argued.

"He has a point" said the Old Monkey, looking at the machine covetously "Think how many people I have to serve breakfast to in the mornings at Homeward!"

"Well, I am afraid I think it is ugly - I'm out!" I snorted.

The Old Monkey decided that he would invest in the monstrosity. He has managed to save a fair bit of his wages over the years and it was clear to me that he could not resist the shiny brass time saver.

Noddy Ninety decided to invest as well - he cannot resist anything that involves the production of steam.

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