Let me make it quite clear from the outset, despite reports in the Badfort media, I had nothing to do with the theft of a bike owned by a Mister David Cameron.
This is clearly another attempt by the Badfort Crowd to besmirch my good name by alluding to an incident from my youth. I hasten to add that I have never stolen a bicycle - merely borrowed one. An unfortunate affair, which resulted in a poorly made machine collapsing under my weight.
It is true that descriptions of the thief appear to match mine - but I suspect that this is another example of the Badfort Crowd using disguise to besmirch my good name.
Anyway, I could hardly be on the moon and stealing bicycles from Tesco's car park at the same time. I think one has to admit I have the perfect alibi.
I am becoming to feel sorry, even, for that miserable Hitmouse. At first he was crowing about how Mister Hateman would soon teach us a lesson and drive us off the moon - now he just wanders around weeping and moaning about the fate of his leader.
I suppose we will have to give him a lift home, despite the fact that he was prepared to leave the Old Monkey stranded on a meteorite. In fact the Old Monkey has been his main advocate - arguing that for Hitmouse the revolution is over, with their leader lost in space the Badfort Crowd will have to take up normal employment.
I am actually beginning to miss that awful Beaver - life will become quite boring without him.
I have already become somewhat tired of my visit to the moon. The dwarfs have insisted on showing me around all their mining operations - but, honestly, once you have seen one moon mine you have seen them all.
The dwarfs like being underground but I am beginning to miss the wind on my face.