Saturday, 17 September 2022

Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz

The mozzies this year are driving me mad. This is one of those occasions when a trunk comes in handy to scratch the itches. The Old Monkey keeps telling me to stop - he says it just makes it worse - he says I should rub a little lavender oil on them. We certainly seem to be in the midst of a bit of a mosquito explosion. Goodman blames the weather we have been having but I suspect that the Badfort Crowd have been overfishing the Scobs. Scob fish are the main predators of the nasty little creatures. Why don't the Badfort Crowd seem bothered by them ? I suspect that as mosquitoes are attracted to your smell it must be, quite frankly, that the Badfort Crowd smell horrible. I suppose that is one of the advantages of drinking Black Tom. It leaves a distinct odour on the breath. They also crush the leaves of fettleweeds, and rub it all over themselves. The only problem is that crushed fettleweed smells a bit like dog poo - not that it seems to bother the Badfort Crowd what they smell like.

1 comment:

  1. My Dear Elephant,

    Black Tom is a noxious and barely drinkable brew but it does as you point out have many uses.
    An acquaintance recommended it to me as something that could "clean a big big carpet for less than half a crown".

    I was frankly sceptical, expecting a similar outcome to that I obtained when using Gleamhound's rug and upholstery restorer.

    However this concoction brought my carpets up lovely, and I got completely blattied on the fumes too, which was nice.

    Have any other readers found interesting uses for this product?

    For those of you wishing to partake of this liquor (I don't recommend it), you will be pleased to know that it is being distilled under license by the monks of Bucklefast Abbey, and is now available at all disreputable stores and off licenses.

    Yours Ernest O'Gallow