Saturday, 17 September 2022

New claims of tabloid phone hacking !

I have received a letter from Beaver Hateman regarding the phone hacking scandal. Click on the image above to read its content. Hitmouse has challenged me to a duel but I refuse to stoop to fisticuffs. Meanwhile, there have been further revelations regarding victims of this outrage. My Aunt, Miss Evelyn Maidy, believes that violent retribution against her, by dwarfs in her home at Afghan Flats, was caused by inflammatory stories in The Badfort News based on intercepted text messages to myself complaining about their cross and irritable disposition. Doctor Lyre was extremely embarrassed by a report printed in The Badfort News revealing that he had got into a serious argument with Wizard Blenkinsop about errors in his magnum opus 'A History of Lion Tower'. According to the Doctor's book it was built in 1066 but the Wizard said that he built it - only twenty years ago! Doctor Lyre is demanding damages as he says the article has ruined his reputation and that details of the conversation between him and the Wizard could only have been obtained by surreptitious means. But the fall-out from these dubious practices goes far beyond the world of Homeward. I have been informed by a celebrity, one Mister Stephen Fry, that he no longer wishes to be considered for the role of myself in my forthcoming biopic. This follows revelations in The Badfort News that I had promised him a traction engine, modelled on my own, as a 'bribe'. Suffice to say that this was only part of a long discussion between myself and my old friend in a private telephonic conversation - in which he merely happened to mention his admiration for my mode of transport. So private, in fact, that he did not even mention it in his many tweets. I fear that we have not heard the last of this scandal.

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