Saturday, 17 September 2022

All of a twitter

Cowgill has insisted that I get up to date with modern communications and start being a twit. At first I thought that he had gone mad and was insulting me but, apparently, it is all the rage and many celebrities are doing it. Now you can keep track of all the momentous events in my life, that may have global significance, in the column on the right. I think it is marvelous and quite enthralling but the Old Monkey is cynical. He thinks that it is frivolous time wasting and merely reflects the mundanity of most people’s everyday lives. I would hardly describe my life as mundane. He says that, as with all new gadgets, I will soon get bored with it and fed up with being constantly twitted. We shall see. My first day's twitters:- * The Old Monkey has drawn my bath. With an HB. Now he is filling with lots of hot water to the optimum temperature. * Lost the loofer. Old Monkey is diving for it. * Barack on the phone - in the middle of my bath! Honestly, he cannot keep ringing me up for advice all the time! about 23 hours ago * Breakfast. Bananas and Koolvat! My Favourite! * Rent Day. There is nothing more I like to see than the sight of thousands of dwarfs in well organised lines queueing to pay their rent! * Gordon just twitted me - should he smile more? No, I tell him your lugubrious features fit perfectly the current depression. * I am sure that Goodman had made a mistake in his book keeping - we are a farthing short! * I'm making Goodman count them all again. One has to learn the importance of punctiliousness. Meanwhile, I am having a nice cup of tea. * Having a ride around in my traction engine! * Barack twitting me now. Any more whizzy ideas for saving the world economy? he asks - honestly can a celebrity entrepreneur ever have peace? * Beaver just threw a duck bomb at me. Missed! * Sarkozy twitting me now. Absolutely furious that Barack is visiting me first! * Stephen Fry just twitted me. Apparently he is going for a walk. * Even the birds are twittering at me now. * Elevenses! A cask of Ham and a bucket of Cocoa! * No surprise that the King of the Badgers is twitting me now - and no surprise that he wants to borrow some money! * Nasty itch in my trunk - the Old Monkey is scratching it for me. * Gordon again. Wants to know if he should save the car industry. Tell people to get on their bikes I say. * Now Beaver is twitting me! He wants to know if I have had any bowel movements today! * All this twittering is driving me twitting mad!

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