Hitching a lift

Captain's Log - Day 12

Cowgill has had a brilliant idea that means we may still be able to beat Beaver to the Moon.

He has calculated the trajectory of the meteorite that is running alongside us. It is bound for the moon!

At the moment we are travelling at the same speed but the meteorite will soon outstrip us as gravitational forces pull it in.

Cowgill has calculated that by switching the anti-gravitational forces of the cyclotronic particles so that they absorb the pull of the meteorite we can hitch a high speed ride on the back of it!

We had a mighty feast in the Mess to celebrate - Ham, Cakes, and Koolvat. More good news came from home - the second volume of my biography has been published. You can purchase a copy here - I think you will find it an edifying read.

After dinner I looked back at the earth, like a blue jewel in the midst of a vast emptiness marked by luminous celestial bodies, and felt an overwhelming sense of universal connectedness. I even felt sorry for Beaver knowing how cross he would feel being beaten by me, again. Only for a moment, mind you.

Hismouth revealed

Captain's Log - Day 11

Our mission has failed. We will not get to the Moon, now, in time for the 40th anniversary of our first landing.

Beaver will beat us.

Cowgill has calculated that Professor Hismouth had us on the wrong course for the last four days.

Not all is lost, however, we managed to rescue the Old Monkey from the meteorite. Diggory Stigneev was exceptionally brave and, using his mining skills, was able to secure our rocket to the meteorite and form a safe route for my trusted servant to return by.

I feel extremely guilty now that I ever mistrusted the dwarf. He is clearly, a remarkable fellow.

As we sat around the officers mess the communication scanner crackled into life.

"It's a transmission from the escape pod!" cried Cowgill.

A picture sprang into life on the monitor.

It was Professor Hismouth swigging from a bottle of Black Tom!

“Hi Unc! Guess who?” he said, proceeding to remove his spectacles and moustache revealing…..Hitmouse!

“Yep, you old tyrant! You’re done for now. We beat you! The Moon is ours…and we’ll soon have the red flag of Badfort flying over it. Don’t try landing on the moon because you will have a reception committee. Over and out!”

We all felt downcast…until Cowgill piped up.

“I think there may yet be a way to get there first!” he said.

Meteorite !

Captain's Log - Day 10

We are attempting to rescue the Old Monkey. Due to Diggory Stigneev’s sabotage my old friend is spinning off into the void of space.

Luckily, Professor Hismouth has come up with co-ordinates of his trajectory that will enable us to intersect with the Old Monkey and pick him up.

It means that there is no way now that we can get to the moon before Beaver or in time for the 40th Anniversary of our last visit. But all of this is as nothing compared to the joy of being reunited with my most faithful companion.

I was busy searching the blackness of space when Cowgill rushed into the cockpit “Look Sir, alongside us…it’s the Old Monkey! Riding on a meteorite!”

I was overjoyed…but perplexed…Professor Hismouth had said there were no meteorites in this area…clearly the dwarf had been telling the truth?

Then, Cloutman brought news. “I’m afraid the dwarf is drunk, he found a stash of Black Tom hidden in the storage hold."

Black Tom? Where could that have come from?

As I puzzled over this, Goodman and A.B.Fox appeared. “Bad news, I am afraid Sir, we had the wrong man. I had my suspicions, the clues were just all too obvious – they all pointed to the dwarf. But I never bought the idea that the Professor was suffering from space sickness. He was obviously under the influence. I told Goodman to watch him and sure enough he saw him guzzling from a bottle of Black Tom.”

"Where is he now!" I demanded.

“I am afraid he seems to used the escape pod to leave us, Sir” said Cowgill pointing out of the rear viewing window.

There was no time to ponder over our mistakes – of immediate importance was the rescue of the Old Monkey.

Lost in Space

Captain's Log - Day 9

Yesterday, disaster struck. We discovered that Beaver Hateman intended to beat us to the moon, Diggory Stigneev had wrecked our navigation equipment sending us off course, and had then pushed the Old Monkey out into space!

As soon as the dwarf re-entered the spaceship we clapped him in irons. Not surprisingly, he attempted to deny his actions. He claimed that he had not touched the navigation equipment even when we presented him with the evidence of his own pickaxe being used to sabotage it.

When questioned about the Old Monkey he made up some unlikely story of sighting a meteorite whose gravitational pull had dragged my faithful friend away. “He weren’t wearing his magnetic boots, you see? – they keep you anchored to the ship - I told him he should be wearing them for safety, but he says monkeys like to swing about!” argued Diggory.

“He is lying” squeaked up Professor Hismouth “there are no meteorites in this region of space – I suggest that you lock him up in the storage hold, whilst I work out a plan to rescue your friend.”

I thanked the Professor for his assistance, whilst Cloutman dragged the protesting dwarf away. Clearly, he had been bought off by Beaver Hateman.

My immediate concern is to rescue the Old Monkey before his air runs out.

Sabotage

Captain's Log - Day 8

Today has been a black day for our expedition to the moon.

Firstly, we received bad news from home.

Beaver has launched his rocket in his bid to beat us to the moon.

Despite the speed of his Black Tom powered rocket we believed that we were far enough ahead to be still in with a chance of getting there first.

The ignominy of having our anniversary celebrations being marred by Beaver’s victory was too much to bear thinking about.

Then, Professor Hismouth declared that there was a fault in his navigation device – he calculated that we were already drifting off course.

He felt that it was also clear that sabotage had taken place. The extending gears on the telescope element had been deliberately jammed. The only way that this could be fixed was for a volunteer to take a spacewalk and carry out repairs. This would be very a difficult and hazardous operation as the gears were contained within a confined space.

“I’ll do it, Sir, I’m small, it’ll be easy for me and I have always wanted to do a space walk!” piped up the Old Monkey.

I was most impressed that the dwarf, Diggory Stigneev, volunteered that, as he was short of stature as well, he would be happy to accompany the OId Monkey as his partner. I thought this very brave of him and began to regret my earlier suspicions of him as the saboteur.

The Old Monkey and the dwarf went into the airlock and were soon on the exterior of the rocket hard at work carrying out the repairs.

At this point, A.B.Fox came rushing into the cockpit. He informed me that he had discovered the dwarf’s pickaxe hidden in the navigation room. It had clearly recently been used and the residues of paint on it matched those on the gears of the telescope. So, my suspicions were confirmed…and the Old Monkey was alone in space with the saboteur!

Before we could alert him to the danger we heard a cry from the Old Monkey. I looked out to see him spinning off into space!

Moon Junk

Captain's Log - Day 5

A year after we first landed on the moon, the dwarfs had some unexpected visitors.

Some astronauts turned up from America. The dwarfs felt it best to hide from them.By that time they had excavated quite far under the surface and the Helium 3 mining was going rather well, the last thing they wanted was claim jumpers musselling in on the act.

Homeward law gives the right to mine to the first one to discover the mineral deposit and begin mining it but, quite rightly, the dwarfs were concerned that the moon could become like some Wild West boom town.

Over the next few years the place was like Homeward Junction - these astronauts kept on turning up, making a right old mess and joy-riding in their moon buggies.

They left behind allsorts of junk - the aforementioned buggies, flags, spacesuits, boots, photographs and various technological paraphernalia.

They even left behind a defecation collection device!

Honestly it is a disgrace! - you would not treat your own home like that, would you?

The poor old dwarfs had to give the place a good sweep to get rid of all the footprints and tracks that they had left and clear up all their rubbish.

We have not thrown the stuff away, however, just in case they decide to come back for it.

But I have now introduced penalties for littering so they will have to behave better in future or face an instant fine.

Navigating by the stars

Captain's Log - Day 4

Cowgill and Professor Hismouth today showed me around the astronavigation room as I had expressed an interest in the intricacies of the skills involved.

The good ship 'Uncle' has its own sophisticated version of the sextant, an optical device used for centuries by sailors to measure angles between stars, the Sun and an Earth’s horizon.

The region of space we are traveling through, encompassed by the Moon’s orbit around Earth, is termed cislunar space. Finding a way across it is therefore called cislunar navigation.
Apparently sighting on celestial objects is only one of a range of techniques that they bring to bear on the problem of guidance and navigation, skills that have had to be mastered to ensure that the 400,000 kilometres of space between Earth and the Moon are crossed in both directions accurately and safely. These skills required consummate finesse in the measurement of extremely subtle parameters, and mathematical competence to interpret the results correctly, as excessive errors could be utterly and lethally unforgiving.

I was somewhat surprised, therefore, that Professor Hismouth seemed somewhat inebriated!

Cowgill assures me that the Professor has explained to him that this is merely an undesirable physiological effect of space flight. His balance and orientation are disturbed, but this in no way effects his visual acuity or mental capacity.

Well, one hopes so - given the importance of his navigation tasks.