Thursday, 3 April 2008

Candidate Muzzled ?

No doubt you will remember my surprise last year that Boris badger had put himself forward in the Badgertown Mayoral election.

He is actually doing rather well in the polls, but there have been accusations that he is avoiding the hustings, raising suspicions that the gaffe-prone badger is being protected from himself.

Boris, has in the past managed to offend the dwarf community (for wallowing in self-pity about their lack of height) an entire tower (by describing the inhabitants of Lonely Tower as being a bit sad) and a nation (Britain, who he accused of indulging in Badgist literature. He objected strongly to the portrayal of the badger in The Wind in the Willows as being backward-looking and anti cars).

Since the start of his campaign Boris has turned down appearances at a number of events where his rivals were appearing.

The other candidates are Noddy Ninety and the incumbent mayor 'Red' Ken Goat. Ken has proved popular with much of the populace, despite at one time being disowned by even The Badfort Crowd as being too revolutionary. His politics soon mellowed once in office, however, and his positive attitude to my business endeavours has impressed me.

His congestion charge has not gone down well with all, but it has led to a reduction in the number of carts in the centre of Badgertown. The polluting excrement of the horses was ruining the quality of life and the expiation of intestinal gases was having a serious effect on the ozone layer. He very kindly exempted steam driven vehicles from the charge - so I could still drive my traction engine into town.

I am still going to back Noddy Ninety, however. I feel sure that his experience as a part time train driver will prove invaluable in solving the transport problems of Badgertown. He is a man who appreciates 'steam' - a man after my own heart. I have always found him most respectful.

Last night a spokesman for Ken's campaign said: "This must be the only election where the campaign is scared of their candidate, which is why they have blocked him from appearing in public with Ken and Noddy."

Boris's team swatted away suggestions that their candidate had been muzzled.
They said that he had been busy making repairs to his bicycle and was very sad that he had been unable to attend the meetings.

Despite the tight leash on which he is kept, Boris has allowed the odd flash of his former jocular self to break through. Last Saturday, the columnist Vernon Littleman wrote of interviewing the candidate for the dwarf magazine Altitude.

When pressed on whether he agreed with Ken's ancient assertion that everyone is potentially small, he said: "Oh, not everyone can limbo - I'm too tall. That does not make me heightist"

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