Saturday, 14 February 2009

What becomes of the broken hearted?

Diane Keaton is heartbroken.

She has been spurned by Beaver Hateman who turned his charms on the well known actress, and British Member of Parliament, Glenda Jackson.

He has had a thing about her ever since he saw her magnificent performance in the great tragedy Antony and Cleopatra - one of the seminal works of England's greatest playwright - Sir Ernest Wiseman OBE.

His ardour only became greater when he realised they were political kindred spirits.

But all is not as it seems. Miss Keaton's, and indeed the whole of Hollywood's, passion for Beaver and his antics has been revealed to have a far more prosaic explanation.

It appears that Beaver had tainted the whole of the Hollywood water supply with Gleamhound's Hate Potion.

As you know, all Gleamhound's potions have the reverse effect.

They then used their satellite to beam subliminal images and ideas onto the televisions owned by the populace. This caused a wave of affection for Mister Hateman.

Now the satellite has crashed to earth the effects are wearing off - but not before the Screen Actors Guild had raised and handed over the necessary funds to enable Beaver to buy back Badfort!

It is clear that he has also infiltrated the drug into the tea room at the Houses of Parliament in London. Glenda is so besotted with Beaver that she has used her political influence to persuade Gordon that Badfort is a place of World Architectural and Cultural significance!

He has agreed, as a gesture of goodwill, to use taxpayers money to rebuild the eyesore that I have to look at every morning from my own home!

The only proviso that he has placed on this is that British workers must be used in its reconstruction.

This will infuriate the King of the Badgers - not only will it mean that he has Beaver once more on his doorstep, but all the unemployed badgers are protesting at the loss of work for themselves.

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