Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Rescue Plan




This morning I gathered all the village folk in the Town Hall to hear my rescue plans for Homesea.

"Good citizens of Homesea," I began "Today, I can reveal to you the plans I have put in place to return Homesea to it's rightful place on the coast of Homeward. Tomorrow, ships of both the Navy of the United States and the United Kingdom will be placed at my disposal. As I pointed out, to there respective governments, it is the very least that they can do considering the fact that my loans have saved both their financial systems.

Cowgill is, at this very moment, locating secure points around the village to which steel cables can be attached. The village will be towed home!"

I paused here for cheers - but none were forthcoming!

"I realise that these have been troubled times..."

"No they've not! we've been having a great time!" interrupted Beaver.

"I appreciate that some of the residents may have been enjoying the fame and fortune that has come to the village due to it's unique status as a floating..."

"Too right we have - we've been making money hand over fist from these tourists!" shouted Mrs Turncoat, proprietess of the Toby Jug Tea Rooms.

"Yes, but as the owner of Homesea I cannot allow these flagrant breeches of economic regulations to continue - the tax evasion going on amounts to grand larceny!"

"Oooooh Unc's all in a tiz cos he's not getting his share of the dosh!" laughed Hitmouse.

"I would remind you all that I have been a great benefactor to this village over the years, and that I have not been charging any rents in this time of crisis. I am sure that all law-abiding inhabitants wish to see a return to legality and order and the normal status quo - without which life will descend into a free-for-all...."

At this point someone threw a tomato at me!

The meeting turned into a bedlam of raucous, shouting and babbling voices.

Honestly - the ingratitude of these people!

I ordered the Homesea Guard to clear the hall.

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