Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Offshore Haven



Beaver Hateman is attempting to transform the economy of the village.

He has already registered 'Badsea' as an Internet top-level domain - generally used or reserved for a country.

He has started licensing the 'TLD' .bc for worldwide commercial use. Apparently in some idioms 'bad' means 'good' and so many companies are interested in using .bc to sell their goods. They market 'bad crap' which means that their goods are perceived as being highly desirable. I think that this is called an auto-antonym or contronym.

Beaver has also redefined the village as an Offshore Tax Haven. He has even set up a website extolling its virtues.

It would seem that money is pouring in from the wealthy people and bankers of the world as they seek somewhere new to invest their money away from prying eyes.

Mister Hateman is already being feted by world leaders - it appears that the money he is willing to lend governments dwarfs even my own efforts to shore up the international financial system.

I tried to remonstrate with the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom about this "You do realise that you are borrowing money from a complete anarchist?" I demanded. "Sorry, Unc - can I talk to you later I have Mister Hateman on the other line" he said, and put the phone down. He never called back. Thats the thanks you get for providing financial aid in a time of crisis.

The cottages and terraced houses of the village are not large, but the sounds of joinery can be heard all over the place as the inhabitants divide their abodes into ever smaller rooms. Each tiny space represents the head office of yet another international financial operation incorporated on the 'island'. The villagers are making extraordinary amounts of rental income as the village has become the most expensive place to rent an office in the world.

Beaver has even more money making ideas. He has begun setting up numerous companies with the most extraordinary statements of purpose. He has one "For the bottling of the mineral waters of Badsea". In reality, it would seem that he is desalinating sea water - of which there is an abundance. He has another "For buying and selling Black Tom and lending money at interest".

As we are moving further South he argues that there will soon be enormous business for a company set up "For the extraction of bubbles from the South Seas".

The strangest of all is "A company for carrying on an undertaking of great advantage, but nobody knows what it is".

Unbelievably, there are no shortage of investors - it would seem that people are desperate to believe in something.

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