This morning the bearded gentleman from the market called.
He had heard that I was volunteering for charitable works and wondered if I would like to work in an Art Therapy group today.
I was most enthusiastic - I am a great believer in the holistic healing powers of art.
The class was being run by the great artist Waldovenison Smeare. He was most pleased to see us. He looked at me and said to the bearded gentleman "Excellent,... Mr?..." "Er, Mister Matehan," he replied. "Well, Mister Matehan you are right - he does not quite have the fine muscle tone of our great patron but apart from that he is the spitting image!" said Smeare.
It turned out that they wished to use me as an artists model for the group.
It was quite hard keeping still all day but I consoled myself with the thought of the good work I was doing.
I have to say that I was not particularly impressed by the artwork produced - it was quite awful.
This one is apparently futurist!
I think I look quite unwell in this one.
I have seen a five year old do better than this.
In this one I seem to have one ear bigger than the other
What concerned me the most, however, was the fact that I recognised the style of some of these pieces. They were remarkably similar to some artworks that Smeare has sold to me claiming that they were by 'new' artists and that they would be worth a fortune in the future.
I do not think this project is deserving of additional funding.
I was also somewhat perturbed to see Smeare handing over a large amount of cash to Mister Matehan. "Well done, Matehan" he said "Unc can't get enough of pictures of himself"
I was about to give them a piece of my mind when the Old Monkey dragged me off muttering about not blowing my cover.
At least we did not to eat something on toast, again, for dinner. The Old Monkey made a lovely meal of something called Pot Noodles. He is so good to me - he must have spent hours slaving over a hot stove to create this culinary delight.