Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Market Maelstrom

Beaver Hateman is relishing it. From every angle capitalism is taking a battering. Late yesterday one of Badgertown's biggest investment banks, Badger Brothers, filed for bankruptcy.

I have had to put off the trip to my old ancestral home, for a day, to deal with the problem.

But, I have decided that tough love is the answer. I told the King of the Badgers that it is one thing to bail him out - but I am tired of having to prop up the 'casino capitalism' of the Badger Brothers and their ilk.

These problems have all come about due to the mind-boggling complexity of their hedge funds. I knew that this would lead to trouble - how many hedges does one need?

Already Badgertown is covered in them - all because the badgers have become so obsessed with owning their own burrows and wanting to put up a wall of greenery around them. Everyone wants to be a hedge owner. It has got totally out of hand. Not only that - but these banks have come up with obscure financial instruments that have enabled badgers, who really can't afford them, to buy hedges without any concept of how they might be paid for. I good hedge costs money, you know, and you have to save for it -many a mickle makes a muckle.

I have been inundated with begging letters from the redundant employees of Badger Brothers. I am not heartless - I am writing to them all to tell them that it is time for them to go back to using their basic manufacturing skills - digging tunnels.

I am offering them all jobs, working alongside the dwarfs, in my gold mines beneath Homeward.

I think that it will do them the power of good - to experience the toil of a good days physical labour. They have spent far too longing just thinking about money - and look where that has got them.

I am sure that, in time, they will show their gratitude for my generosity.

I shall write again on my return from the jungle - let us hope that by then the world will be a saner place.


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1 comment:

  1. If I may, sir, I have bestowed a humble award on your palatious blog. Not worthy, lese majeste, all true, but please look kindly on it from atop your huge fundament.