"Uncle and his Amazing Purple Dressing Gown" - The Scandal !
Everyone is in a right old tiswas at the Badgertown Broadcasting Corporation. The furore over the editing of the documentary about me has unleashed yet another scandal. It appears that those viewers who rang in to pick the star for the revival of "Uncle and his Amazing Purple Dressing Gown" (the inspiring tale of my rise from poverty to the dizzying heights of wealth and fame) have been duped.
There was astonishment at the time when the, seemingly, least able contestant won the competition. It turns out that the Call Centre of the firm running the voting lines for the BBC was, in fact, Hitmouse's tin shack outside the walls of Badfort. All the proceeds from the phone votes have been used to build a new 'Black Tom' distillery.
The winner of the show, and a contract worth hundreds of pounds, was last night booed off stage. Whilst attempting to run off in a hail of fruit and vegetables his costume was torn off. He was revealed to be none other than Flabskin dressed in a padded 'fat' suit.
Needless to say I have been somewhat affronted by the reporting of this incident. I think that big-boned is a more accurate description of my physique. I am sure you would agree.