Celebrity Aid

When I was in Hollywood, meeting all those celebrities and film stars, I made the mistake of indulging in the usual pleasantries. With my trademark generosity, I invited people to come and stay at Homeward. I did not expect, however, for them to all turn up on my doorstep at the same time. Many of them have had to flee their homes because of the fires in California. One has to do one's bit for fellow celebrities in times of crisis but, honestly, they are starting to outstay their welcome. Sting keeps on putting on impromptu musical evenings. Last night he insisted that we all sing along to some dreary song of his about the rainforests. He says that the forest fires have made him feel at one with the people of Amazonia - contemplating the loss of his multi-million pound mansion as helped him to appreciate how it must feel for the hut dwellers to lose their abodes to the burning forests. As for Jennifer Aniston - she just keeps bursting into tears every time she looks over at Badfort. I think she still thinks of Beaver Hateman as the love of her life, and her bank balance certainly suffered from the way he treated her. To be honest, I suspect that word has got around that it is open house at Homeward. Johnny Depp turned up yesterday and I know for a fact that he lives in Paris not California. I confronted him about this and he admitted that he had the decorators in and it was cheaper to come here than put up in a hotel!