I have come home only to find a scandal raging over a Badfort TV programme. It appears that the popular Beav and Hit's Saturday Night Takeaway has been hoodwinking it's viewers.
I was shocked to discover that one of the sections of the show included a giant plastic representation of me that spewed out money to contestants as long as they could perch on it's 'heaving bulk'!!!
This 'Jiggy Bank' would visit the homes of people who texted into the show. But, apparently, the elephant never strayed from its moorings at Badfort and the winners were always selected from the inhabitants of that den of iniquity.
This didn't stop Beaver, Hitmouse, their production company and Badfort Television from asking everyone across my domain and Badgertown to take part.
Viewers have been defrauded of vast sums of money but I have very little sympathy for them. After all I have done for them I am deeply offended that the local population should be happy to take part in a game that is such an affront to my dignity.
They should have had enough sense to realise that these "premium rate phone lines" were just another new route to riches for Mister Hateman.