It is my final day undercover - today I reveal my true identity and will give large cheques to the chosen ones.
I have invited Butterskin Mute, The Maestro and his choir to a party (ostensibly to celebrate the last day of filming of the documentary about me - a lowly volunteer)
They were all completely flabbergasted, when I pulled off my false beard and glasses to reveal myself, and burst into tears as I handed over the money.
"Please, Please," I begged "No need for crying - this is a day of rejoicing!"
The Crookball people were beside themselves with delight, and yelled their special call of VANDOO, only used on occasions of national rejoicing.
I felt truly humbled by their display of affection.
They had all learnt the tune ‘Glorious Uncle’ and this they played with great enthusiasm.
A large crowd had assembled curious to see this grand charitable act. At this moment I revealed that a large number of trucks were also on there way to this deprived area of Badgertown laden with such comestibles as six hundred casks of herrings, a thousand kegs of Turkish Delight, and fifty thousand first grade cheeses.
There were loud cheers from the crowd!
Of course the Badfort News put there own, cynical, spin on events.
We had a feast of Crookballs - and at this point I spotted a number of the Crookball people at the Black Tom stand run by Mister Matehan. 'He is trying to persuade them to swop their Crookballs for Black Tom" whispered the Old Monkey.
"Up with this I will not put!" I cried and went over to remonstrate with him.
"Huh!," shouted Matehan " So, all is revealed - so much for your sob story about being a poor volunteer - your old moneybags, himself ! I suppose you want to ruin the peoples celebrations now - stop them having a jar of Black Tom or two. You miserable..."
At this point one of the dwarf children from the choir pulled on Matehan's beard...and it came off!
"HATEMAN!!!!"I cried - for it was revealed to be my arch enemy behind the disguise.
This provocation was too great.
I stepped back, ran forward and gave him the biggest kicking up ever.
We watched as he flew into the air and fell back....right into Mute's manure heap.
A fitting end to this great day of giving!
One must appreciate that being generous to ones fellows is the antidote to the darkness that some have seen in our Darwinian heritage. A society run on Darwinian lines would, indeed, be a a cruel and merciless place. Altruism is the pinnacle of our civilisation and I am sure it is my good deeds that have made me the elephant I am today.