Monday, 10 November 2008

I'm an alien, I'm an illegal alien

Beaver Hateman has implemented the issuing of Identity Cards to all the villagers.

He has set up booths all over the village to gather 'biometric' data.

Beaver says that they are necessary because of the influx of tourists and foreign business people.

He made the announcement in a television appearance last night.

"There is a demand, now, for cards - and as I go round the village I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don't want to wait for their cards. They don't want any of those foreigners coming into our village committing fraud at the gambling tables, terrorising the place with their metropolitan ways, and accessing Badsea public services for free" he said.

He insisted that, as I was not a proper resident of Badsea, I would have to register as an illegal alien. I reminded him that he was not a proper resident either, as he had been on holiday here, like myself, when the village went adrift.

"Yes, that's as maybe," he replied "but, I'm in charge now!"

I then asked him why I had to pay £300, for my card, whilst everyone else was only paying 3s 6d. "That's 'cause you have rather large hands and therefore big fingerprints. It's all extra data we have to get on the card you know. Plus, don't forget, your large trunk!"he scoffed.

"You can stay, but don't cause any trouble - and you can't work, and no sponging off the state!" he guffawed.

"Need I remind you, I am an elephant of independent means - I hardly think that will be necessary." I replied.

"You ain't seen your Rates Bill yet then?" laughed Beaver.

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