I really have had enough of Christmas shopping - and I have all the gifts I need now. However, I felt I had to make my usual seasonal visit to Duncan Dearman's Shop.
Dearman's is a little shop in a side street opposite Cheapman's huge store. All his goods are frightfully dear, so you can guess he has very little business; in fact I am the only customer he has. Beaver Hateman says that if I wasn't so fond of showing off I would not go there either. That is the thanks you get for trying to help local businesses.
As we arrived Dearman was changing a ticket on a thin, battered, tin milk jug. The ticket said YESTERDAY'S PRICE £21 TODAY'S PRICE £25. He was weeping loudly, and bemoaning his lack of customers. Honestly, the man has no understanding of commerce. As soon as he saw me he rushed up and lead me into the shop. It is so small that with me in it, it was full.
Dearman had to stand on the counter. He tried to sell me an alarm clock with one leg off for £93 7s 6d. I was desperately looking around to see if there was something I could buy, if only to show my largesse during the festive season, when I spotted a familiar looking motorbike on sale for £3,000 6s 6d.
You do realise, I explained to Dearman, that Cheapman has the very same motorbikes on sale for a halfpenny!
He was astounded - he had been told that they were an exclusive item that no other shops would have and that he would be able to purchase them at a fraction of the retail price - £2,050.4s 2d !
My ears pricked up when he started moaning that the seller was the one person you would have thought you could most trust at this time of year. I inquired what he meant by this remark. Why Santa, of course....I bought them from Santa !